Month: November 2019

Family. Friends. Food. Finances.

I imagine these are some of the top things that will be voiced as many people gather around Thanksgiving tables on Thursday.

Health, Jobs, House.

All very good things and all things worth being thankful for, no doubt.

When the kids were younger, I would cut out pretty leaf-shapes from orange, yellow and brown construction paper and each of us would daily write what we were thankful for on the leaves. By the time Thanksgiving got here, a door in our kitchen was covered in leaves, each word written representing a grateful heart. Toys. Church. Friends. Cousin names. Grandparent names.

And while I always appreciated a good leaf-covered door or going around the table telling each other what we were thankful for, there always seemed to be a bit of hollowness or immaturity that echoed in my heart. Sometimes it felt like “I am thankful that I get all the things that I want and like.”

And there was that time in South Georgia around the overflowing tables in the Dorminy home when the challenge was given to not name the same thing as someone else. Once “family” got taken, Uncle Tony bluntly said, “Oh sure. You take the easy one.” I am sure all of us waiting our turn were gonna say that!

But yesterday in church, Pastor Robert said it so perfectly as he preached Psalm 100. He gave you, me, and Uncle Tony our new answer for Thursday. Sure, you can fear sounding overly spiritual, but the truth is the truth.

And no matter how well you get along with your family, no matter how delicious grandma’s dressing tastes or Aunt Dixie’s cranberry relish, no matter the friendships you enjoy, the toys you have to play with, no matter the overflowing bank account, no matter how healthy you feel….nothing trumps the answer to “Why are you thankful?” better than Psalm 100:4-5

“Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise! Give thanks to Him; Bless His name!

For the Lord is good; His steadfast love endures forever, and His faithfulness to all generations.”

The Lord is good. His love for me never runs out. He will never forsake me.

I much prefer this answer over the list of things and people we are thankful for (though there is nothing wrong with listing the things or names of people!).

But some years families are separated by miles, some years grandma will no longer be here on earth with us to make her dressing. Some years we feel we don’t have a friend in the world, we can’t pay our mortgage, cancer invades our bodies. Some years marriages are strained.

But Psalm 100 stands true even if you are reluctantly gathering around the Thanksgiving table and dreading the question to come about why you are thankful. Like we would tell our kids when they didn’t want to say anything, “Everyone can think of one thing to be thankful for!”

And, indeed, we do all have the one answer. The answer that remains no matter what our circumstances….Say it with me:  “The Lord is good. His steadfast love endures forever and His faithfulness to all generations.”

Josh and I are so very different. I think our differences complement each other, and I am reminded of this chasm between our likes and dislikes as we prepare for Thanksgiving.  I won’t even be mentioning our preferences in dressing…it would surely lead to an argument.

Thanksgiving tops my holiday list, but not for the turkey and dressing (no matter which type we’re serving) or football games that follow, but rather, it tops my list because it is the most “be with your people” holiday. I can be found ordering a new game we can play as a family (the new enneagram game should be arriving today!) or rearranging my sitting room so we can set up a table for a puzzle. Puzzles are relaxing and bring people together to talk and work together.

Josh, on the other hand, can be found checking my grocery list and forbidding me from buying off- brand anything. “Buy what we like.” He can be found double checking my recipes to be sure they are the tried and true ones because “this isn’t the time to try something new out on our family and friends.” He can be found watching videos on the exact technique for smoking a turkey on his Yoder and ordering seasoning that you must have to ensure the best flavor of that smoking turkey. He is also sure to talk about the importance of a solid, sturdy paper plate. “This is not the time for flimsy plates. People are here to eat.”

Though we both enjoy family, food, and fun, it’s quite clear—he’s all about the food;  I’m more about the family. I’m happy because we have all been together. Josh is happy that we have all been together eating really good food. 

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours! May your turkey be delicious and not one puzzle piece be lost. 

I bought three small spiral notebooks with the intention of writing out my prayers for each of my kids. It’s easier to pray for the kids as a set. RubyMollyMack. I can pray for all of them to walk in God’s purposes, pray for all of them to have good days at school, pray for all of them to want to read their Bible, pray for all of them to honor, respect and obey their parents. A-hem.

But there is something about drawing a distinct line between each of them and seeing them as they are— individuals that have specific needs and challenges, individual areas of struggles and strengths. Somehow those three little spiral notebooks have helped me to zero in on what God wants me to pray for 15 year old Ruby. For 14 year old Molly. For 12 year old Mack. 

I even left the notebooks open on the island last week and asked them to write out something they want me to pray for them about. What a gift. I won’t share those requests with you, but suffice it to say that it was revealing of where each of their hearts were. It was eye-opening and helpful for me as their Mama. My heart softened as I saw their own handwriting spelling out their cares and concerns. 

Mamas, I know your to-do list is long. I know the laundry will not quit. I know your family will be hungry at dinner time and likely will look to you for the food. I know you feel overlooked and undervalued lots of days. But if I could sit across from you, I would boldly grab your precious face in my hands and say YOU ARE SO VALUABLE AS THE MOM. {Ok, so maybe I wouldn’t grab your face because that could be weird, but I would want your full attention.} No one else does your job quite like you. God sees you. God cares for you. God also hears your prayers for your children. He knows what they need before you do. Entrust them to your faithful Creator who loves them perfectly. 

Grief is a burden. Webster tells us a burden is “a load, typically a heavy one.” Some days the load feels heavier than other days. Yesterday was a day like that for me. 

It’s just a regular old Wednesday in November. I just finished walking my dog. I am now doing laundry and wondering what I should prepare for dinner and leaning more towards picking up Chick-fil-a. It’s not Valentine’s Day or our Anniversary, yet I am finding myself overcome with gratitude for Josh. He is such a great husband and fabulous Dad. I was thinking back about the different seasons we have been through. From newlywed carefree-ness to job changes and big moves. Kids and finances and hurtful words and forgiveness. Lots of ups and lots of downs and even more just mundance in-between days. 

In my mind, this photo popped up:

Dear goodness me. This photo. It was taken by PawPaw Dorminy as he and Deb were leaving to go back home after staying one night with us after Mack got brought home from the hospital in late March 2007. So that means Mack was four days old. I was one day into my 30’s and obviously quite tired. Exhausted and overwhelmed would also describe me. And large. Swollen, maybe? Not sure. But wow. Look at me looking so rough. Ruby was 2. Molly was 1. And they both look like little boy orphans. Josh was also not seeing his greatest days. Even if we had filters, which we did not, there wouldn’t have been one that could cover up the hard truth. We rough.

Worn out might best describe this season of life. 

But we loved each other. Josh never made me feel anything except deeply loved and wanted. Never, meaning not one single second. Josh was working hard for our family. I was keeping three little people alive. We had hard days—it was challenging to make time for just each other, but we gave our all to this less-than-glamourous season.

Now the kids are 15, 14 and 12. Josh and I are comfortably in our 40’s and still giving our all to this current season. We took a family photo recently and —thank the good Lord above—we don’t appear to be quite as frazzled. Josh is still working incredibly hard. I am still doing my best to manage the home and our kids. And we still have to fight hard to make time for just each other.

We are still worn out a lot of days. Maybe more mentally and emotionally than physically, but worn out, nonetheless. It is still a less-than-glamourous season as we coordinate schedules, help with Algebra and fuss at the kids about feeding the dog or washing their clothes or taking shorter showers. 

Though some nights we fall in the bed exhausted and hardly able to finish a conversation, we are still here together. Still fighting for time together. Still desiring each other. Still supporting each other. Still listening. Still talking. Still interested in each other. Still hopeful for our future. Still giving it all we have because we know our marriage is worth it. Our marriage that represents Christ and the Church to our kids and anyone else that takes a look.  Our marriage that provides stability and comfort to our kids. Our marriage that gives us both a safe place to land on those rough days. It’s worth the effort. It’s worth the time. It’s worth the work. And I hope we never give up on God’s plan for marriage. It truly seems to get better and better.

Maybe today–this regular old Wednesday– you will take a look at your spouse and tell them what you love about them. Remind them that you’re in this thing for the long-haul. We can all use some encouragement and words that lift our spirit. Say those words today.