Y’all doing ok out there? The world is upside down crazy. I won’t even begin to type the list of things going on in the U.S.A. Suffice it to say—it’s chaotic and can be stressful if you ingest too much of the media.
It’s kind of stressful in the Dorminy house these days, too. And before you get concerned, you should know it’s nothing major. I have, however, started eating low carb. I am on day 7 and everyone is still living and breathing in this house, so I can count that as a success. BUT it was touch and go for a while there.
I am just mean. Mean, mean, mean. Annoyed by everything, patient with no one.
I forewarned Josh and the kids. Plainly, I stated, “I’m about to start eating low carb for a couple of months so be patient with me. I’ll be mean. Just ignore me. It will probably get better in a couple of weeks.”
Well, it’s hard to ignore a nagging, impatient, cranky middle-aged woman who threatens to take away all technology privileges if you don’t obey her every word and even read her mind. They tried. I overheard one of them say to the other two, “You know, she did tell us to just ignore her. It’s gonna be fine…”
Then today I got a call from God.
Not actually God, but definitely a divinely appointed conversation. A relative whom I adore and who is a few steps farther down the road than me called to thank me for a book I sent her, and as we talked about life she spoke right to my heart. She was talking about her life when her kids were younger and how life goes by so fast and how many of the times she thinks she was often self-centered and wishes she hadn’t been. She said she thinks she would have enjoyed her kids more if so much of her decisions didn’t put her at the center.
That was convicting. I stopped wiping down the counters as she talked and knew these were words for me.
No doubt there was pushback that bubbled up as I continued my conversation with the Lord about this later that day. Just like a teenager, I had some words I felt the need to say:
“But, Lord, I have given so much time to my kids over the years. Done so much for them. Been pretty patient with them. Don’t forget those ten home school years!! That has to count as something. And they are super close in age—remember Ruby was only 2 when Mack came home!! A two and one year old and a newborn! I mean, that was hard. And this covid business is nothing any of knew was coming so the stress just makes things worse and I’m trying. I am trying!!” (I didn’t add, but could have, and He knows already: “and I’m hungry and tired and they’re home doing school here and driving me bonkers!!!”
And He lets me vent and try to defend my indefensible self. And He loves me still, but doesn’t let up with the pressure on my heart. The truth is: The world doesn’t revolve around you, Kristy. Your family doesn’t revolve around you, Kristy. Your emotions aren’t given a pass because you want a biscuit or even because life as you have known it is changing rapidly and there seems to be no reprieve.
Strangely ironic that the message seems more suitable for a gaggle of toddlers or for my three teenagers and yet, here I am as a 43 year old woman with my patient, long-suffering and loving God having this same conversation.
Big sigh. Sometimes in life you think you’ve gotten farther down the road and then this same, elementary, basic lesson lands in your lap and it’s tempting to be discouraged and throw your hands up at your lack. And actually, throwing your hands up is a good place to start. Just don’t let them drop. Keep them raised in praise to the Good Father who sees you and is so patient with you and wants to help you keep moving down the road of looking more and more like Jesus.
It’s going to be so worth it one day.