Month: October 2018

“What do you want Me to do for you?” 

It’s a question Jesus asked more than once while His feet walked the streets of this broken world. And it is a question I have thought about often. I contemplate what I would reply to this question if Jesus asked me. I ask it in the depths of my heart and ask God to purify my desires, to bring clarity to dreams in my heart. And I write about some of those thoughts on the blog from time to time. 

In Mark 10:36 James and John are asked by Jesus, “What do you want Me to do for you?” Their request was to sit on each side of Jesus in glory. And their request was not granted because in Jesus’ words, they did not know what they were asking. 

I am so grateful I can trust that God knows absolutely best what I need. the Bible says He withholds no good thing from me.

In Mark 10:51 Bartimaeus was asked by Jesus, “What do you want Me to do for you?” He boldly says, “I want to regain my sight!”  And Jesus gave Him what He asked for, and Bartimaeus immediately followed Jesus. 

I am so grateful God is willing and able to give me what He knows I want.

So while I think it’s a perfectly fine question to ponder—“What do you want Me to do for you?”—I also think I have found my answer in this season and it is not what naturally came to mind along this journey.  I was considering some “big” things…daring to believe that maybe God has something “big” for me. Something tangible maybe or an assignment that would give me some focus, you know, one where I can make a list and check it off as I go and be sure I was doing what He wanted me to do and achieving some sort of earthly success or purpose…all for God, mind you. A-hem.

Last night I heard a little chorus that I had not heard before:

Set a fire down in my soul that I can’t contain, that I can’t control.

I want more of you God.

I want more of you God.

There it was. My answer to the question, “What do you want Me to do for you?” 

I want more of you God.

I also thought of Luke 5. The Lord bookmarked this story in my heart a few mornings back from my time in The Word. I kept thinking of the word “MORE” over and over again. I didn’t draw any straight lines or make any connections that morning or the next couple of days, but it was definitely rolling around in my head and heart. I was keeping alert and asking God to show me what He was wanting me to get from the story of Simon and his fellow fishermen.

See, Simon and his team had finished up fishing all night and were cleaning their nets, packing everything up when Jesus asked Simon to push out the boat in the water for Him and then to let down their nets. 

“Master, we worked hard all night and caught nothing, but I will do as You say and let down the nets.”

“When they had done this, they enclosed a great quantity of fish, and their nets began to sink.”

Wow. That must have been quite a load of fish! More fish than they had ever caught.

Here’s where you may think the fishermen decide to go back out and try again to get even more fish. 

But they didn’t. 

And they didn’t say, “Let’s write a book on how to catch fish because, obviously, we’re pretty good at this.”

And they didn’t say, “Let’s lead a seminar on how to catch fish. People will love to hear from us because, obviously, we’re pretty good at this.”

Verse 11 of Luke 10 says, “They left everything and followed Him.”

Essentially, they were also saying, WE WANT MORE OF YOU GOD. They didn’t want more success. They didn’t want more time to do what could be profitable to their earthly business. They left everything familiar, tangible and profitable to follow Jesus. 

They didn’t follow Him perfectly, and neither do I and neither do you. But do I recognize that anything good in my life, any success I may have, any peace in my heart, any purpose worth pursuing is ALL FROM HIM? I don’t have anything it takes. I am unqualified. But JESUS is able, has everything it takes to work in me and through me. He is qualified to do the work. Do I want more of Him? Or more of what the world calls success and what the world sees as profitable? God’s Kingdom is upside down in comparison to what our eyes see here on this earth. So, today I am telling God I want more of Him. I want to let down my nets into the deep waters of His Word and His Presence and be changed to be more like Him in a broken world that desperately needs to hear the Good News of Jesus. 

How about you? What do you want?

This is my third fall here in Charlotte. The first one, in 2016, was a bit overwhelming, but I expected it to be so. New city, new house, new grocery store, new plumber (because the new house is really old), new doctors, new everything.

The next fall, in 2017, every day seemed more discouraging than the last. I thought I would have been farther along. I thought I would have a group of friends. I thought I would be plugged in at church somewhere. I thought I would know my way around better. In a nutshell, I was disappointed in my lack of progress in pretty much every single area. Floundering would be a good word to describe it.

I felt like a nobody. And that is not a good feeling.

I spent time in the Word and in prayer daily, reciting the truth of Whose I am. I repeated Philippians 1:6…except I would say, “He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it.” I was encouraged that God wasn’t finished with me and that He was still working in me and going to use me again. I was challenged to continue to follow Him and seek out His purpose for me here. But recently I was reading Philippians 1:6 and here is how the NAS version reads: “For I am confident on this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.”

Paul was telling the Philippians that God began a good work in them at salvation and would continue working in them and on them and through them until Jesus comes back and all is made perfect again.

I was taking that verse and boiling it down to some personal promise that God was going to complete something in me here on earth for a specific purpose. That He started something in me and was going to bring it to completion. I wanted to figure out how to make my life important and purposeful on my own. “It” was maybe going back to school to learn and use a degree for Him. “It” might be writing a book one day after the kids are gone. “It” may be being a part of a mission organization in a significant way. But surely my “it” was in limbo during this season of new, this season of knowing few and being known by even fewer, this season of mothering and homeschooling. I mean, I can’t complete anything for long in motherhood. All that we do is undone….beds, clean clothes, meals, clean dishes, and more. That’s a whole ‘nother post.

“…that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.”

“It” is the good work of sanctification that He began in my life when He saved me. And He never stops doing that work. He will always be doing a work in my soul through every season of life. I’m not in a section of my life that doesn’t matter. He is being faithful and steadfast and working in me and on me and through me UNTIL THE DAY OF CHRIST JESUS. One day all will be made perfect and right. Until then, I rest in the fact that God’s good work is being perfected, and He won’t stop until Jesus comes back to restore everything to perfection.

Hannah Anderson wrote a chapter in a book, Identity Theft, that I am reading. It greatly encouraged me, so I will leave it here and maybe it will encourage you as well.

“In moments of difficulty, confusion and loss, God is stripping you of all the things you may reach out for instead of him. He is cutting and cleaning and crafting your life so it can shine the light of His glory. Do not be afraid when this happens. Don’t be afraid when the questions come and the things you once relied on don’t satisfy you any longer. Do not be afraid when He comes to relieve you of your idols of identity. Do not be afraid because a good and powerful God is at work. He is coming to reclaim His own, and he will not stop until you become your truest self–a woman whose life reflects the greatness of the glory of her God!” {Identity Theft, Hannah Anderson}

Last night we attended a fundraiser event for With Open Eyes, a ministry that helps advance the gospel by supplying motor bikes for pastors in Africa and India, as well as providing Biblical training for the pastors. It was an amazing evening hearing from Simon and Agnes who live in Africa and help lead many other pastors.

We got dressed up, which is a rare occasion for us five.

A highlight of the evening was listening to Bob Goff speak. What a unique person he is! He challenged us with a few thoughts. 1-What do you want?, 2- Are you willing to do what it takes to get it?, and 3-Can you use what you already have?

{This is how he takes most photos with people. He told us to throw out the prom pictures and throw up your hands and smile! I love that.}

I was challenged and encouraged to keep wrestling around with the desires of my heart. Keep asking God to purify them and set them apart with great clarity and direction, and to keep stirring my heart to obedience. I often mistrust the things I really want…and rightfully so. I have wanted lots of different things over the course of my life that God did not intend for me. As Jen Pollock Michel says in regards to our desires, “…we aren’t easily satisfied by what God gives. We don’t easily surrender to God’s authority, and we are hell-bent on making a name for ourselves.” We tend to want life on our own terms. The truth of that reality in my life makes me pause long and hard when dreams are stirring in my soul. I want to go after God’s plans and purposes for me, I really do!! And yet I feel the weight of my own neediness and lacking, which makes me doubt that I can ever articulate to the God of heaven what I want. But I am resolved to keep seeking Him on the matters of my heart. God isn’t in a hurry. He is faithful and kind and patient. And He promises to finish the work He started in me! That is an amazing truth.

 

Ruby got her braces off on Wednesday!  She loves the feeling of NO METAL in her mouth. 

And she looks beautiful! Love those pearly whites.

1. Bone Broth protein powder left out by me, along with my water bottle.
2. Blender for protein shake.
3. Rice cooker for Molly’s lunch.
4. Crock pot warmer and insert left out from dinner last night.
5. Clean pan from my peppers I cooked for part of my lunch yesterday.
6. Rolo’s dog food and treats corner that is out of control.
7. Pan left with eggs from our breakfast.
8. My breakfast plate.

Things get messy around here when you’re keeping all of us fed! It is never ending. When one thinks about how much food prep and follow through is made by moms (and dads!), it is mind boggling.

And I did work on this kitchen mid-morning and got most of this stuff put in the right place…because in a few minutes I have to start cooking dinner. I really want my house to be beautiful and picture-perfect all the time, but that would mean no one lives here, so I am torn about that. {kidding}

Most of the time my kitchen table looks like a school room exploded on it. Books, papers, pens and pencils, football cards, cups and snacks. But by dinner time it has to be cleaned off and it looks halfway decent.

I bought this cute dish for mints and candy, and I told the kids they’re mostly for guests, but that they could have them every now and then.

The blue wrappers are Dove chocolates, and I don’t know if you can tell or not, but there aren’t many left. None of the kids know why that would be. I told them that maybe they had a bunch of friends over when I wasn’t here, but I am pretty sure they’ve been sneaking one every time they pass the jar.

I am enjoying my front stoop flowers. And I sure hope October starts acting like fall with some cooler temps pretty soon!

I am continuing in my reading of Matthew, and I love to see the connections between the Old Testament and New Testament. In Matthew 7 Jesus is talking about the importance of building your life on a good foundation that can weather any outward circumstances. Jesus is our ROCK. The only person worth building your life on. I have listened to Christy Nockels’ “Build My Life on You” every morning and have been so encouraged. “I will build my life upon Your love, it is a sure foundation. And I will put my hope in You alone, and I will be not be shaken. Holy, there is no one like You. There is none beside You. Open up my eyes in wonder and show me who You are and fill me with Your love and lead me in Your love to those around me…..”

I could have titled this post “Random, part 2” because, honestly, I am random lately! I just need to figure out ways to be more intentional with writing because I do have actual meaningful thoughts rolling around in my head. One day….

 

 

Every now and then (when I get backed up on the blog because I haven’t made time to organize my thoughts and write), I title a post “random.” And that is exactly what it is. Random pictures, random thoughts, randomness of every color because –man, life is full!

Let’s start with Rolo’s birthday.

She got a “happy birthday” bone and a hat that she just about bit me for trying to put on her head. She also got a few new toys/treats at the PetPeople store. And I took her on a extra long walk and run Sunday afternoon.

When Hurricane Florence hit North Carolina’s coast we were left without power for three and a half days. The first night was candle light dinner and games by flashlight. After that, it was weeping and gnashing of teeth. And Hampton Inn.

And Target wifi for school work.

Mack spotted a cross out in the windy trees that first night without power.  Perspective is important. I could have used a better one over those few days.

We have been watching a lot of UGA football…and other football, for that matter. Mack gets crazy when the games are on.

We have been doing school the best we can lately. I don’t think we have had a normal week since we started in late August. Always something that comes up and changes our schedule around, but I am trying to go with the flow and also dig in at times and do extra work to keep up.  Here’s a text I sent to Josh the other day.

On Wednesdays we have a writing class. The girls go for the first hour while Mack gets to sit with a friend and eat pizza, drink Coca-Cola, and play card games. Then, the girls get whatever is leftover and their own drink, of course, while we wait on Mack to finish his class.

Mack cracks me up about his class. I know that he does NOT like to do anything in a hurry. Nothing. If I hurry him up, he shuts down. This has been like this forever. However, when you are in a class of 15 students, you must keep up or get left behind. So, he usually comes to the car and I ask, “How did it go today, Mack?” And he usually replies in a defeated tone, “As good as it could have, I guess.” What usually comes out is that the teacher was giving instructions and everyone else knew what to do, but he was having trouble figuring out what to do. The last two weeks he says he has a couple of new friends that he sits with, so he asks them questions and they ask him questions to help each of their homeschooled selves. ha!  Wonder of wonders that the teacher doesn’t sit with you and give personal attention to every move you make!! He is learning and growing.

And today I snapped this photo because today is a new work week– Monday, a new month–October 1st, and I was starting The New Testament in my Bible reading–the book of Matthew. And I opened a brand new journal. It just felt so good. I love a fresh start right here in the last quarter of the year!