When Mack was a toddler, he loved to hide and be found by Josh. At bedtime we would all go to the girls’ room first and tuck them in, talk some and pray and play around. Then, I’d tell Mack it was time to go to his room. He knew what that meant. We would walk down the hall, leaving Josh safely behind us. We would open the closet door and sit on the floor of the closet in the dark, as quietly as a toddler could be. He would put his chubby little hand over his mouth and softly giggle as he heard Josh walking towards the room. Josh would “look all around for us,” but always had such trouble finding us. He’d look behind the curtains. He’d look in the crib, all the time asking where we were and all the time Mack would smile so big at me. He thought we were really getting dad good. But then, inevitably, Josh would open the closet door in amazement and see us. His searching finally paid off, and we would laugh and laugh. Both of us were happy that he searched and found us.
All humans have a deep desire to be seen and known.
During my psalm 139 reading last week, my eyes were opened in a fresh way to the very first verse, “O, Lord, You have searched me and known me.”
To search me would mean God’s eyes were on me. He sees me. And God knows me better than I know myself.
This seems so elementary, so basic. Yet, on day three of reading this familiar chapter, I was comforted by this short, yet meaningful, line.
I asked God to make me aware of His searching of my heart. Of His knowing me better than anyone else. And to find comfort in both of those.
It was a good day. It prepared me for the rest of the week….
Though I’ve finally gotten a handle on the literal unpacking from our beach trip, there are still spiritual bags to unpack. “Brushes with God change us,” as Sara Hagerty writes in her latest book, The Gift of Limitations: finding beauty in your boundaries. These moments are worth looking back on. I share them in hopes of encouraging you in your own walk with the Lord.
The message of Sara’s book hit so close to home. I, too, have been on a journey of embracing my own limitations, of bumping up against my own boundary lines. Each time this happens, I’m graciously met with the presence of God. His rod and staff, guiding me. In conjunction with reading this book, I was also reading Psalm 139 each morning—prompted by the Lord to do this, a brush with God I didn’t recognize until I was at the beach.
On Tuesday morning when I “sat on the steps of my soul in the deep place where nobody goes,” as Jill Briscoe so beautifully puts it, my mind was drawn to the subtitle of Psalm 139 in my Bible —“God’s Omnipresence and Omniscience.” He is everywhere and knows all things. And quite the opposite is true of me. I sat in one little bedroom in a beach house on the coast of South Carolina. I know so very little.
Verses 4-6 particularly has my attention.
Even before there is a word on my tongue, Behold, O Lord, You know it all. You have enclosed me behind and before and laid Your hand upon me [my words:do you hear the boundaries around you that is God Himself?). Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is too high, I cannot attain to it.”
I’ve read these words many times before, but more than ever I saw His limitlessness. And I saw my limitedness.
The theme of Sara’s book helped me consider afresh the comfort I can experience when I acknowledge and rest in my limits. Not trying to fight for more or struggle to be more, do more. But instead to take a moment and thank God for the boundaries He has put around my life. As Sarah wrote, “God often gives us limits to grow us.”
Like a seed, limited and confined to its shell, it must surrender in death, buried in the soil, dependent on what only God can do, before there is life and fruit again.
John 12:24 “Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.”
Praying that we can be grateful for our limitations and be drawn closer to our limitless God. He is all we need. Why would we try to jump our God-given fence or move our God-given boundary lines in our own strength?
“The Lord is the portion of my inheritance and my cup; You support my lot. The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places; Indeed my heritage is beautiful to me. I will bless the Lord who has counseled me; Indeed my mind instructs me in the night. I have set the Lord continually before me; Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my glory rejoices; my flesh also will dwell securely. For You will not abandon my soul to Sheol; Nor will You allow Your Holy One to undergo decay.
You will make known to me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; In Your right hand there are pleasures forever.”
How about a few photos of our Spring Break trip? It was such a fun week on Edisto Island with Ruby, Molly and some of their awesome college friends! Knowing the girls were going to be gone all summer and we wouldn’t be able to have a family vacation, I thought Spring Break would be a great time to get away. Josh and Mack got to join us for the second half, which was a blessing.
And these young adults were so fun and so enjoyable to be around. They seemed to have a great time. I know I did!
This house was perfect for this crew!
Some of the best times were around the table while we ate together.
We had Mexican one night. We ordered pizza another night and had lasagna and Caesar salad one evening. They went out a couple of times. And we grilled hamburgers and hot dogs. There were lots of eggs for breakfast. One morning included pancakes and bacon. Most mornings everyone made their own breakfast. I did manage to cook some sausage balls while we were there too! Lots and lots of food. And lots of talking. I loved learning more about each one of them and watching them interact. They were a great group and I loved being with them!
Many days were spent at the beach, which is my most favorite thing ever in the world.
More pictures and blogs to come as I keep unpacking but there’s no one else I’d rather be living this life with than Josh. He is so generous to let me make this reservation and get all these folks under one roof. He is just the best. I love him so! (Even though he says we won’t be retiring at the beach one day.🤣)
Unpacking from the beach involves dirty clothes, putting away bathing suits and beach towels, and, for me anyway, washing and drying the plethora of seashells I gathered as I strolled the morning shore.
After the kindness of the Lord this week, I also want to unpack all that I gleaned from my time with Him.
A week at the beach holds many opportunities to pay attention to the Lord in ways much different than home in the city of Charlotte where days are filled with responsibilities and daily troubles. Sometimes a new location heightens your sensitivities.
I sensed the Lord wanting me to read Psalm 139 each day of my trip, so that was my plan. But on the first morning, before I could get to the familiar chapter, I was captured by an article entitled, “Am I a Quarrelsome Wife?” I read through the article, feeling quite convicted. Then, this sentence stopped me—“And Gillian stood in the middle of it all, unhappily carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders.” And then this addition, “…her presence an inhospitable place.”
Ouch.
During my morning walk, I asked God to forgive me for being so ridiculous to think I could carry the weight of the world on my shoulders, yet confessing it oftentimes all feels like a bit much. But He is the only One able to carry the world, of this much I know in my head. I just feel like He may be too busy so I must carry my little world on my shoulders in the meantime.
This attitude has tainted my good intentions far too many times when I have meant well and wanted to serve and help and plan….and also desired recognition for my hard work and I wanted appreciation…lots and lots of appreciation. To live with someone like this—who feels like they’re doing it all (I’m not tho. Not even close) and is bitter about it (I sometimes am), can be as confusing as a spring day when the sun is shining and warm, then it is hidden by clouds and the air is chilly and harsh. So confusing and frustrating.
I had some dialogue with God:
O, Lord, forgive me for “curving life in on myself.” I am asking You to make me into a reverent, gentle, thoughtful, grateful, hopeful, generous woman of God. I do sense in many ways I’ve embraced my limitations, my fence, my boundary lines. It’s been quite the journey to get here. I am Josh’s wife—supporting him and enabling him to soar in work and at home. I’m Ruby, Molly and Mack’s mom—giving up pursuing any outside career for pouring myself into motherhood and home. I’ve accepted the truth that you cannot have it all, despite what our culture says. Someone has had to think about what’s for dinner every night for 23+ years and that someone has been me.
I sensed a few thoughts from God: Don’t resent this. Be humbled and honored that you’ve been the leader of some of the most important building blocks of your family. Dinner time feeds more than bellies.
Lord, make me a grateful woman.
Then, as I was walking back towards the beach house, I started humming, “He’s got the whole world in His hands; He’s got the whole world in His hands….”, and I felt the weight of the world lift off my shoulders.
He is limitless. I am limited. He knows all. I don’t. There’s freedom to be had when we walk in these truths and don’t feel like we have to have it all figured out. He’s got it all in His hands. We can rest like a child in His lap.
