Kristy Dorminy

Isn’t marriage a funny thing? I mean, besides being a beautiful, God-ordained gift to enjoy, it is definitely a funny relationship at times.

I’ve often wondered about the dynamics between husbands and wives we know. Some couples are so calm and quiet that I wonder if they’re bored at home. And that same couple may think Josh and I need to calm down and assume Josh does everything with intensity and passion, when in reality…well, yes, he does actually.

Anyway, moving on.

Josh and I have had many misunderstandings over the 25 plus years of marriage we have enjoyed. Our most recent one surfaced over the past couple of weeks as Josh decided to join me in sitting outside with coffee in the first thirty minutes or so of the day.

Don’t get me wrong, I love spending time with him. But this snippet of time was intended to be for solitude. No agenda. No plan. Just being. Listening to creation waking up. Praying. Or not. Thinking. Or not. But always quiet. Josh, however, likes to talk in the morning more than the evening. So he’s been asking an innocent question, albeit ill-timed—“So what’s your day like?”

Well, this isn’t a calendar check in.

Or he remembers something from work and wants to share it.

Well, this isn’t story time.

And I am torn because I want time with him. I want to hear his stories and share my calendar with him. Just not during this thirty minute or so block.

He has sometimes already ran a mile. And he almost always has plunged into a 45 degree tub of water when I am shuffling my bed head out to the backyard, coffee in hand.

So he is raring to go.

And I am not.

He also doesn’t sit still; he is always moving.

And I am not.

This morning I told him that in the fall I may have to uninvite him to my solitude time—not because I don’t love spending time with him, but because he has misunderstood the assignment.

He laughed about it and saw my points.

But I also must admit that I do the same thing with him at night. It started as newlyweds. See, girls usually equate getting in bed with chatting. Think sleepovers. The bed was not a place to immediately fall asleep—that’s when you were just getting started. Josh, however, definitely equates bed with immediate sleep. And though it hurt my feelings as a new wife, I have adjusted. I still try from time to time to have a chat session with Josh at bedtime, but it still never goes well. And Josh reminds me I have misunderstood the assignment.

Over the years we’ve learned that we don’t have to enjoy the same things in the same ways. Sometimes love looks like encouraging him to go on the run and take a dip in that cold plunge or sign up for the evening CrossFit class or simply go to bed and go to sleep without bringing up something to discuss—even though none of those things sound appealing to me. Sometimes love looks like him letting me sit quietly in the backyard, listening to birds wake up. Or listening while I explain another house project or hearing a song I can’t wait for him to hear—even though those aren’t his favorite things. It’s give and take.

But tomorrow morning, give me my solitude.

The heart wants what it’s fed.

I heard this in a devotion recently and it has stayed with me.

What table are you pulling up to every day? What are you feeding your heart? Your mind? Your affections?

I am embarrassed to admit this, but I was scooting up to Instagram a bit too often and staying too long. I was feeding my heart a steady of dose of noise, restlessness, distraction—I guess that’s why they call it your “instagram feed.” Before long, your heart begins wanting what it’s constantly being fed.

“Ooooh, I want that shirt.”

“Oh wow that is a nice kitchen. My kitchen is old and dated. I need a new kitchen. Maybe I just need a new home.”

A steady instagram feed of “if you workout, you should look like this.”

Or “if you don’t want to workout, just take this shot and you’ll be skinny.”

Ends up if you’re fed new homes, you’ll want a new home. If you’re fed new clothes, you’ll want new clothes. If you’re fed endless fitness transformations, you’ll want your own fitness transformation.

After quite a while of putting off God’s gracious invitation to draw near to Him and shut out this obvious distraction in my life, I finally waved my white flag of surrender…or maybe I saw my screen time notification and wanted to hide in shame.

Either way, I made a decision to delete instagram. It wasn’t serving me well. I don’t run a ministry that needs to get its message out there. I don’t run a business that requires I attain clients through instagram. I know there are amazing resources and godly people on instagram. This is not a post to say “instagram bad.” It’s a post to say I wanted more quiet. I wanted less time on my phone. I wanted time to reflect, to have large chunks of solitude, to create instead of consume. I wanted to train my appetite for something deeper and more satisfying.

So I left my seat at that table and have pulled up to a new one. It’s been refreshing. Well, now it’s refreshing. Those first four days or so were actually quite rough. I was bombarded with negative thoughts. Anxious thoughts. Self-deprecating thoughts. It was wild. I wasn’t sure what was happening or how long this would last. I have since learned this is common.

For so long I had shut off my inner thoughts and tuned in to other people’s thoughts, other people’s lives, other people telling me what I needed to buy, to think, to do. But now, I had more free-thinking time. What was I going to do with it? First, I had to fight the negativity and pray for God’s help. I prayed Psalm61:2, “Lead me to the Rock that is higher than I.” I was my own worst enemy and needed God to lift me up and draw me close. And He did. After removing the constant noise of the app, I had time to bring these thoughts to the Lord instead of burying them beneath another scroll.

After the rough days, I started noticing life. I am taking in nature, listening to morning bird songs as I sip my coffee, taking in my husband’s face, taking in messes that need my attention in my house. I have tackled revamping my closet and getting rid of so many clothes and shoes. I organized my pantry (you really should check those expiration dates on your canned goods). I have listened to sermons and listened to silence. I have listened to music and taken naps. The biggest change I have noticed after almost 15 days away from instagram is clarity. As opposed to the muddled mess that my mind was in when I spent too much time on that app.

My heart will always hunger and thirst. Every day I choose which table I’ll sit at. Who will get my attention? What will I choose to notice?

Psalm 81:10 “I, the Lord, am your God, Who brought you up from the land of Egypt; open your mouth wide and I will fill it.”

God has given me a beautiful life. I don’t want to miss it. I don’t want to miss Him.

It’s July 1. I am hoping July will be a quiet month for me. We have had a full last few months, and I am feeling drawn to quiet and calm. To listening more than talking. To praying more than worrying. To no instagram and way less phone in my hand.

One question I have been asking the last few days is, “What am I carrying that God is asking me to lay down?” I have always felt very responsible for my kids. This is fine and dandy at first thought, but over time and in the flesh I can take that responsibility a tad too far. It turns into carrying their fears, their future, their health, their choices, their responsibilities, their growth, their struggles almost as my own.

And well, that’s not good. And I don’t want to carry all of that anymore.

I am learning how to interact with each of my kids as young adults who don’t always want my input or advice or opinion. And when you’ve offered that for many, many years, well…it doesn’t just turn off automatically.

But as I was walking and praying about this area of my life God was asking me to stop carrying, I heard so clearly—

God isn’t asking me to stop caring. He is asking me to stop carrying it as if it was all up to me.

Psalm 68:19 says, “Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens.”

I can stop carrying it because God is carrying it all. He is even carrying me. I can continue to care and pray and love without the burden of all of it.

Have you forgotten that old children’s song, “He’s Got the Whole World in His Hands”? Well, it is still true and maybe you need to sing it loud and proud right where you are.

None of this is riding on me! Praise the Lord for that truth.

Josh and I planned a trip to see Molly this summer. Then, her work schedule changed, and she was going to be in Guatemala while we were visiting her.

It was too late to cancel our plans, so we went and enjoyed the beach anyway. And got to have a little time with her Sunday night and Monday morning.

Mack and Brooke came with us, too.

Josh and I got engaged on June 10, 2000 right near where we were staying, so we did a little 26 years later pic.

We did enjoy the little bit of time we had with Molly. She seems to be thriving there and learning and growing and making friends. We are thankful!

Rolo had fun at daycare, but there’s no place like home! We both agree with that.

Mornings are my jam. I go to bed excited about my coffee. Looking forward to the early morning quiet.

In recent days, my eyes pop open around 5:00am. I take my thyroid medicine I faithfully put in a tiny, colorful, ceramic bowl on my bedside table the night before. I lay in bed for about thirty minutes because you can’t eat or drink for that long after taking the medicine. I pray, usually reciting, “This is the day the Lord has made; I will rejoice and be glad in it.” My mind often starts to think about the day ahead. I try to push back on the mental to do list—it’s not quite time for all of that.

I start my day with an apple peel. Weird, but there’s purpose, according to Joel Greene.

Then, I pour my coffee and take my bed-head self outside to sit and just be.

I hear the birds chirping. Sometimes I feel a breeze. There’s a stillness to the morning that only lasts for so long before it’s replaced with roaring trash trucks, buzzing lawn mowers, and the heat of the day.

The other morning the clouds filled the sky in a gray haze. For a long while it remained darker than normal. I prayed for Josh, Ruby, Molly, and Mack in all their days had in store for them. Praying they would walk in God’s purposes and sense His good presence with them. I prayed for our church and our need for a new pastor—praying that wherever that man is, he would even now feel a restlessness stirring as God prepares him for his next steps. I brought a certain situation to the Lord that has for years been a part of my prayers. Years. There is uncertainty around it. Frustration. Doubt that I am doing anything right in regards to this situation. A real need for wisdom and help and belief that things will turn around.

As I looked up to the hazy sky, hoping some of the obstructed sunlight was somehow making its way into my eyes so my circadian rhythm can be in tip-top shape, I spotted a little opening. That opening was bright blue. The sun was shining just like normal behind all the clouds. It so clearly reminded me that God’s perspective is never, ever, ever blocked or limited. No matter how dark and hazy my eyes tell me things are, God is always working, always seeing things perfectly clear. Unhindered. Unrestrained. Unlimited.

I see one tiny corner, and God sees the entire landscape. His ways are higher. His thoughts are not like mine—thank the Lord for that.

Maybe you’re walking a gray, hazy, cloudy path. Let faith arise. Continue to believe that God sees it all and can be trusted with every detail whether or not you see a break in the clouds just yet.

Josh and I had a blast taking a drive over to the mountains of Georgia to watch our friend’s daughter get married. These aren’t just any old friends. They were the very first newlywed friends we had. And we realized quickly we lived in the same apartment complex. When Josh started teaching our Sunday School class, they started taking care of the class role and getting info from our visitors. This went on from roughly late 2001 til 2016! They are as faithful, steady and consistent as they come. And we were thrilled to watch them marry off their daughter. The little baby girl we remember being born. It was surreal. I don’t feel 49 years old at all, but when I saw the Mother of the Bride walking down the aisle and then the Father of the Bride walking down the aisle with baby Kayla and then mustering up all that is in him to get out the words, “Her mother and I do,” well that was just a lot to take in. I sort of felt all of 49 in that moment.

All of these people are all just the best. So funny. So caring. So dedicated to one another. So generous towards their kids. Just the best. I am so thankful for all those younger years we had together. “Doing life together” or “Living in Community” is thrown around a lot in churches these days…well, we were doing that when it wasn’t called anything in particular. And it was such a gift. A gift I am more appreciative of now than I was even then.

Josh and I spent the night before in Gainesville and enjoyed getting out of town for a bit.

We found a trail after breakfast.

We watched MOlly’s church online.

And we got an update on Rolo while she was at daycare.

Always fun to be with Josh no matter where we are!

This may look like a photo of a mug to you.

But to me it is much more.

I traveled to Indonesia in 2010 with a group from my church to visit a friend. We were also hosting a women’s event for other ladies who also moved across the world to do the same thing my friend was doing.

We went shopping one day. My friend helped me with negotiations and communication to buy this mug.

One early morning on our trip before the women’s event was set to begin, I sat in an upstairs room of a building facing Singapore. It seemed as if God planted me there in this particular chair and made sure I was just so situated where I could see several large ships moving slowly over the vast waters. There were ports along the coast. The sun was coming up and the sky was clear. I was set to read from Psalm 107 already in my Bible reading plan.

At the same time, back home, we were in misery because we had over-extended ourselves to build a beautiful dream home that we really wanted—until we got it and it nearly took us under. It was 2009 and 2010 when we built and moved into the home, and the after-effects of the 2008 market crash were upon us. Josh was in the commercial real estate business. Things were not going well. The Lord used His Word and His presence to help us see that we needed to sell our dream home. This was all going to be in my future as I sat facing Singapore. I didn’t know how it would all work out, but I knew God was prying my hands open from all the things of the world that I thought I wanted…that I thought would bring happiness and peace. And the Lord took me halfway around the world to remind me He rescues His children. He sees them at their wits’ end and comes to help. He was in charge of the details that kept me awake at night. He was going to perform miracles for us even though it was our mess we got into all on our own.

Psalm 107:23- 31 “Those who go down to the sea in ships, who do business on great waters; they have seen the works of the Lord, and His wonders in the deep. For He spoke and raised up a stormy wind, which lifted up the waves of the sea. They rose up to the heavens, they went down to the depths; Their souls melted away in their misery. They reeled and staggered like a drunken man, and were at the their wits’ end. Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and He brought them out of their distresses. He caused the storm to be still, so that the waves of the sea were hushed. Then they were glad because they were quiet, so He guided them to their desired haven. Let them give thanks to the Lord for His lovingkindness and for His wonders to the sons of men!”

In our case, He guided us back to our first home. We had leased it to a family, and they were moving out as we sold our dream home and needed a place to live. Let me tell you—we were so happy to be back in that house. It was like we could breathe again. The Lord worked out every detail and rescued us.

Ok, so what does this have to do with this mug?! Well, after that trip I used this mug for my coffee every morning as I sat with my open Bible and open heart to hear from God. Many mornings I sipped from this mug, journaling and praying while Mack stood and played with his hot wheels “quietly” on the table next to me. I held this warm mug through asking for wisdom on home schooling, on being a wife and mom, on how to be a good friend, on how to accept the shape of my body, and more. This mug was with me as God showed me clearly He was going to get us out of our home without making one single penny on the sale.

One day when I picked up the mug, I heard a quiet “cracking” in the handle. I decided to retire the mug and set it in our glass cabinet on display many, many years ago. It hasn’t been used in so long, but when I was rearranging some things in our kitchen over the weekend, I held this mug and thanked the Lord for His lovingkindness and His wonders He worked for us in that season.

It’s good to remember the times God met you in your messes. It’s good to remember His loving ways, His graciousness, His kindness, His miracles, His provision, His guidance…and speak them out loud! Tell your children. Recount it with your spouse. Tell a friend. It will fuel your faith for the trials you face today. I know it did mine!

There is a lot more to this season of our story. But suffice it to say, this pretty little mug reminded me that my cup runneth over! God has been good to me.

When Rolo was having some hormonal issues last year, it became quite apparent she and I were walking similar paths in mid-life. I didn’t think about this when we got her back in 2017, but as dog years go, here we both are in mid-life. She has moved a little faster than me in getting here, but recently our similarities were on full display.

The girls came home from college graduation and brought all of those blasted blue bags filled to the brim with all manner of stuff. Stuff, stuff, and more stuff. I had the pleasure of helping them go through every.single.bag. We had to decide if it was something to keep, pack for their next adventure, donate or trash. And I am not sure I can properly tell you how miserable it is to go through someone else’s stuff.

Ruby slept downstairs for a while. Mack and Molly were upstairs. Then, Molly left and Ruby moved upstairs. They stay up later than we do. They move around a lot and shower at oddly late hours. They come and go on no set routine. Or at least no set routine of mine or Rolo’s.

We love having the kids back under our roof. It’s fun and lively. There is laughter and extra shoes laying around. Extra cars in the driveway. More laundry piles and later nights.

It’s wonderful.

It’s also exhausting.

So Rolo was quite anxious. She was so happy they were here. She gets the zoomies when they pull up. She seems to enjoy them at first. Then, she started pacing and hiding and panting. At bedtime we would get her bed ready, turn off the lights or tell the kids to turn off the lights when they were ready to go to bed, and then we would go to bed. Well, Rolo was all messed up. She would huff and puff in annoyance when they stayed up watching a movie. Then, she would go upstairs to Molly’s room, then downstairs to her bed, then back upstairs to Mack’s room. Then back down. She would convince Molly she needed to go out and get a treat in the middle of the night. We never take her out in the middle of the night. Ruby blocked the stairs to keep Rolo in her own area, but Rolo wasn’t having it. She would bark and cry and whine horribly. This went on night after night. I tried calming treats. I walked her in the evening to try and tire her out. Nothing was working.

So I asked the World Wide Web what the heck to do with this dog! And it started becoming clearer that Rolo and I are the same. From the internet: “Dogs are remarkably good at sensing household energy. She may pick up on all the new activity and emotion and is responding by staying on high alert.” Huh! Me, too!!!

Rolo’s breed is highly people-oriented. So at first she’s like, “Yay! All my people are together again!” Same, Rolo, same.

Rolo also thrives on predictability. She operates best when life feels orderly and predictable. Same, Rolo, same.

Rolo feels responsible for everyone. She likes when her pack is together, so when they’re scattered all over the house, Rolo is on high-alert to make sure everyone is ok. Same, Rolo. Same.

Rolo’s age is also now a factor. Routines are comforting. Change feels bigger than it is. Recovery from excitement takes much longer than it used to.

Same, Rolo. Same!

I was feeling the weight of all of the kids back under the same roof. More groceries. More schedules. More laundry. More conversations. More decisions. More people I love scattered between bedrooms and future plans. My heart was stretched—in a good way, but my nervous system sort of needed some room to breathe.

I love the togetherness. I do! And I crave my quiet routines. Both can be true.

And now Ruby is in Tennessee. Molly is in South Carolina. Mack is currently out of town.

Rolo has stopped pacing and checking every bedroom. I have gotten the house back in order as well as gotten some extra rest.

And I miss them terribly.

I rearrange my schedule, my routines, my home, my expectations and my heart for the kids. I love them. And love usually disrupts.

Rolo doesn’t understand internships or college graduations. She doesn’t realize the girls are gone for quite a while now—not even sure how long. And because Mack likes to annoy Rolo on purpose, she doesn’t worry over him like she does the girls.

Rolo just knows her people came home, but now they left again.

Same, Rolo. Same.

We usually have amazing cakes for Ruby’s birthday because she is the only one of our kids who likes traditional cake. But this year she asked for a simple cookie cake! I guess she has the right to change her mind on cakes! 🤣

Ruby has always been a real joy to parent. She’s very loyal and has a strong mind and great communication skills. She loves her siblings and will also put them in their place when necessary.

The birthday girl has gotten a facial today and got her nails done! She got lots of clothes and a few pair of shoes and a shark dryer with accessories. And I’m cooking baked ziti for her birthday dinner! I’d say she’s having a good day. We love our baby Ruby!! Happy 22nd birthday!

I cannot believe these girls have graduated from Liberty University. I thought high school went by fast! This was so, so quick. And I am beyond proud of both of them.

They each had their unique journey through college. Friendships made, some kept in tact and some broken. Ruby pressed through academic challenges and a few “major” changes and still resolved to finish in four years. I am so, so proud of all of her effort and adjustments. Molly wanted to quit every single semester. She was never sure if this was her path, but she figured out a way to finish early, so she could get her degree and keep moving. I am so, so proud of her.

Ruby has been a loyal friend. She has opened her apartment almost every Tuesday night for girls to come over and hang out. They all looked forward to that time together. She worked at a local store in the mall that is so, so cute! So proud of her for that consistency and hard work. She got complimented several times by the owner for her written “end of day” interactions with customers. And she helped with social media her last semester.

Molly had a blast meeting people and pulling people into the fun any chance she got. I am sure it sounds like bragging, but I cannot tell you how many notes she got from people about the impact Molly made in their lives over her time at Liberty. She had parents (especially of freshman girls) tell her that her inclusivity and kindness was a game changer for their daughter on Molly’s hall. And she was ever the Commons Room Game leader, or so I heard.

Ready for photo overload???? Here we go….

We stayed at The Virginian and enjoyed walking to breakfast and couldn’t believe how perfect the temperature was! Not hot or humid one bit.

The commencement service began technically at 7:00pm, but they wanted you in your seats at 5:30 when the graduates walked onto the field. The gates opened at 3:00, so we got there close to that time, snapped some photos along the way to the field and couldn’t believe how crowded and challenging it was already to find a seat! But we did make it to a seat in the shade. We were there until about 10pm.

Did any of us four notice the open door behind us? No. No we did not… but Josh noticed when he came down immediately. lol

What a weekend of celebration! So proud of these girls. I know the next open doors of adventures will be amazing for them! Truly excited to see them continue to walk in all the purposes God has for them. My heart could burst.