I laughed as I walked out of the school today and past a sea of minivans and stations wagons and suburbans.  I laughed because it still doesn’t even seem possible that I have a second grade child and a first grade child and a four year old AND that I would have any reason to be at a home school co-op  to listen to each of my girls teachers give an orientation of how this year might look for us.  How did I get here?

Now don’t get me wrong, I am glad to be here, but I just can’t really process that I am actually doing this.  I don’t mean to be overly dramatic, I really don’t.

I may have also been laughing because if I hadn’t laughed I would have cried.

Not really.

But maybe.

I confidently sat through Molly’s class orientation.  Along with about 15 other moms, we received instruction on how to teach our 1st graders at home.  I remembered most everything from last year and was able to breathe comfortably and know I would make it through all of this.  I also thought of how extremely different my girls are.  Ruby would read and write like nobodies business, but please don’t make me tell you how most of our math days went.  Molly is different.  She loves numbers and seems to work well with them.  She doesn’t seem to love reading nearly as much as Ruby does, though she reads sometimes without me asking her to.  That Molly is made for school…she loves the books, the crayons and scissors and glue are her friend.  She’ll help you “organize” any time and any place.  Ruby would rather be outside playing…and about organization, remember she is the one who thought it might be a good idea to throw all of her clothes under her bed instead of putting them in the dirty clothes hamper or into her drawers.  Brilliant plan.  If only I had not gone into her room that day, she’d still be pulling the wool over my eyes.

A little less confidently (maybe a lot less confidently), I sat with other moms through the 2nd grade orientation.  The teacher is super laid-back and has a great sense of humor.  However, that didn’t stop my stomach from rumbling with nerves when she mentioned math and counting money or mastering math facts up to +20….and I got really nervous about handwriting grades.  Ruby doesn’t buy into the whole “make your letters as perfectly as you can” business.  I have to be more strict in that area because, honestly, I don’t quite buy into it either….but I will because it is important and helps “develop good foundational habits,” said the teacher.

So I came home with more books than I could name right now….more binders to buy…and a full calendar……

BUT I WILL NOT BE OVERWHELMED.  I will NOT be overwhelmed.  I will not be OVERWHELMED.  Nope, not me.

As a matter of fact, this morning I had a great time with the Lord.  After the first few sips of coffee, my mind decided to start making a “to do” list and then a “to do today” list and then a “to do for my job” list and ….I couldn’t even concentrate on the Lord.  I took a deep breath and changed to another worship song on my i-pod.  GOD I LOOK TO YOU by Bethel. It was perfect.  I thought I would include the lyrics here:

God I look to You
I won’t be overwhelmed
Give me vision to see things like You do
God I look to You
You’re where my help comes from
Give me wisdom, You know just what to do

I will love You Lord my strength
I will love you Lord my shield
I will love You Lord my rock
Forever all my days, I will love you God

Hallelujah our God reigns
Hallelujah our God reigns
Hallelujah our God reigns
Forfever all my days Hallelujah

I hope I’ll find myself humming this song or even bursting it out throughout my homeschool day.  I’m sure I will need the reminder!  And don’t we all?  It is so easy to slip into the mentality that everything is just a bit too much.  Or maybe that all I can handle is my own set of stuff and poo-poo on the rest of the world.  I don’t want to be that way either.  What I need is heavenly perspective.  The handwriting, while important, shouldn’t affect my day or my mood.  It will be handwriting, period.  The math that is sure to demand some extra energy and creativity on my part to teach, while extremely important, doesn’t mean that I can stuff myself with chocolate as some sort of consolation when it is over.  And just because we will have a full day and week here at home with all of OUR stuff, I still want to make time to go out to our Wednesday night meeting at the mobile home park to reach out to others with the love of Jesus.

I am ashamed at how quickly it all becomes about me and how quickly I can throw other things off my plate.  I need wisdom from above to know just what to do.  And the beautiful thing is that the Lord promises just that.

I will not be overwhelmed.

Can somebody refer me to this post in a couple of weeks if you see me running around like a nut or if I shut myself in a closet?

Thanks.  I’d appreciate it.  My family would appreciate it, too.



2 thoughts on “Whew

  1. You are so funny…and I love your writing style! I asked Cacy today ‘do you remember a THING from science class?’ We both answered “NO” and laughed. I only mention this as a reminder that some of the things we think are sooo vital are simply NOT. Not to say that science isn’t important…and we all need to learn to read and write…but you know what I mean.

    You keep having your daily time with The Lord each morning (I said to myself) and He will keep you focused and grounded and feeling very capable through Him…and maybe you should remove all closet doors in your home so you aren’t tempted…and get rid of all chocolate (I like how you slipped that one in there)….bwhahahahaha 🙂

  2. I SOOOOOOO NEEDED THIS POST!!! As you know, this will be my first year of homeschooling and I’m already feeling the pressures from Satan, others….who don’t quite understand why I would be doing this?!?! And not to mention the little voices in my little brain telling me I’m not good enough to do this….I’m not smart enough….I’m mean and impatient….the list could go on and on!

    BUT, hs is a CONVICTION!!! I WILL depend on the Lord b/c HE IS MY STRENGTH and I’m doing this b/c God led me…..

    I LOVE this song. THE WORDS TOUCHED ME SO MUCH!!! And I thank you from the bottom of my heart for this post!! 🙂 Love you!!!

    **I’ll call you tomorrow! Got some exciting news about a hs care group!!! 🙂

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