Category: Uncategorized

I had another great time at Thursday Chapel at Molly’s school. It’s always fun to see her doing what I believe she is made to do.

I also went to Costco for only my third time and my last time. Three strikes and you’re out. That place is an absolute zoo. I don’t think you save any money in that ridiculous warehouse either. Plus, someone who lives in a home built in 1952 has zero storage and my pantry is the tiniest closet in our home. And no one smiles and I felt like I was going to get run slap over by these nincompoops. Then you stand in line to leave so they can look at your receipt. Good grief. I don’t know why I ever joined in the first place. No thank you.

Recently, I’ve noticed I’m running out of gas in areas in which it’s not quite time to run out of gas.

For example, poor Mack gets to practice driving on the way home from school only a few days a week, but even that works my nerves. I don’t know if it’s how close my kids are in age that have done a number on my ability to let yet another kid drive while I sit and pray and give direction. It doesn’t help that I still haven’t found the brake on the passenger side.

Or cooking dinner. It’s not time for me to hang up the apron and quit handling raw chicken every evening around 5:00pm. Yet, I want to quit cooking.

I did hire a house cleaner because I seriously ran out of gas in the cleaning of the toilet realm. I just couldn’t keep doing all the cleaning. Most of what a mom does gets undone as it is, and I just waved a white flag on this. I’m not sad about it either.

There are more serious things I feel that I’m running out of gas on before it’s time, and I’ve been praying lots about those areas. Suffering has been a close friend lately. Honestly, I don’t know anyone who doesn’t suffer at some level and no level of suffering is pleasant.

I’m reading a book titled “Shattered Dreams” by Larry Crabb. He challenges me to see suffering as that which makes hope stronger since it makes it clear that this world is broken and not my home. Romans 5:3-4 says, “We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character and character produces hope.” Suffering can bring us to the end of ourselves. Suffering reveals the worst in us and also can reveal the God-wrought best in us. Suffering will change us. Larry says, “Through suffering, we see we are someone we could never have been without grace.” Suffering demands endurance. And I’ve been challenged to “ask God to make suffering a servant of peace and hope and joy in Christ.”

So in a broken world full of reasons to worry, full of suffering and grieving and pain, we can’t give up. We can’t run out of gas. We need endurance. We need hope. Josh taught from I Peter on Sunday and reminded us that Hope is important because suffering is a reality. Jesus is our living hope! He fills our gas tank and gives us strength to keep going.

I’ve also found this song deeply moving in this season where I’m tempted to stop doing things it’s not time to stop doing. Hopefully it encourages you!

Keep On by Christy Nockels

Is it just me or does everything feel different?
Like it’s darker somehow, like the light has had its moment
But like any good story there’s a moment when
The Light reveals where it’s always been
And the days we spent believing suddenly matter

So keep on shining and doing good
Even when it’s the hardest thing you’ve done
Even when no one’s looking
There’s a promise if you don’t give up
The time will come when your fields will ripen
With the morning sun
And the harvest that you reap will carry you
So keep on shining
Yes, keep on shining

I know what it’s like to be weary in the hidden
When you keep your head down
With the hopes you’re growing something
And maybe it’s been awhile since you’ve heard it
That there’s beauty in all this work you do
With the life of God in you
And oh how it matters

So keep on shining and doing good
Even when it’s the hardest thing you’ve done
Even when no one’s looking
There’s a promise if you don’t give up
The time will come when your fields will ripen
With the morning sun
And the harvest that you reap will carry you
So keep on shining
Yes, keep on shining

Oh it’s His life, oh it’s His love
Yea it’s His light shining in you
Like the aspen trees in a mountain breeze that’s you
And what a difference you are making
No it wouldn’t be the same without you
Like the sunset after a summer rain that’s you
Yea, it’s His life, His love and light in you

So keep on
Keep on shining and doing good
Even when it’s the hardest thing you’ve done
Even when no one’s looking
There’s a promise if you don’t give up
The time will come when your fields will ripen
With the morning sun
And the harvest that you reap will carry you
Yes, the harvest that you reap will carry you
So, keep on shining
Keep on shining

Keep on shining, ’cause it matters!
Keep on shining, ’cause it matters!
Keep on shining, ’cause it matters!

This needs a spot on my blog.

God gave me a treadmill.

Months and month ago, Josh and I went treadmill shopping but came home with a rower. It was a fraction of the cost of a treadmill, and Josh thought it was a better choice. “We can walk outside anywhere we want. Walking on a treadmill is boring.”

I could see what he was saying. It made sense, and I like the rower. It’s a full body workout, for sure.

But admittedly, I wanted a treadmill or a walking pad. I just wanted to get more steps in, and I despise cold weather. So with the winter upon us, I was kind of bummed to not have a little walking pad. I prayed about it several times, but that was it.

Well, last week Mack and I were driving home and right across the street at the road was a treadmill with a sign taped to it-“FREE.”

I told Mack to come with me and check it out. He didn’t want to, but I said, “oh yes you will come help me.” And after a closer look, I knew I could find a place for this treadmill. The neighbor stuck her head out the door, “It’s not great for running but it’s perfect for walking!”

Well perfect! I hate running.

So this evening I announced to Ruby, “I’m going to walk on the treadmill God gave me.” And I meant it with every fiber of my being.

Pray about everything. God’s Word tells us plainly to do this. Nothing is too small. Nothing is too big. Thank you, Lord, for hearing our prayers.

“What is wrong? Seems like you’re annoyed about something,” he said in a sharp tone.

In fairness, I had just answered a question he asked with my own sharpness.

But I was so mad that he asked me THAT question in THAT way at THAT time.

I was washing dishes from dinner. Dinner that I prepared with food I had grocery shopped for in between other responsibilities.

In my mind, he had been whisked away that morning by jet to Atlanta for a meeting at a very cool place with some very interesting people that shared inspiring stories. He wore a nice outfit and even had new shoes. He was completely unavailable the entire day. I’ve grown used to it in some ways. He’s got a big job. It’s important and what God has called him to do. I am thankful for that.

But his sharpness of tone with me and my sharpness of tone with him did not make for an enjoyable evening.

He could very well think—she has no idea what I do all day and the pressures I encounter, the fires I put out, the hundreds of emails I receive, the meetings and phone calls.

I could very well think, and did think—He has no idea what I’ve done today. The early morning traffic to get Mack to school and me back home. The interrupted quiet time. The Homecoming Parade I went to school to see for Molly, the grocery store run for the weekend, the unloading and putting away of all the groceries, scarfing down lunch at 1:45. The school pick up for Mack, more traffic. The kids arguing. The child who decided to try on a dress for Homecoming the day before only to need plan B. The cooking of dinner. The cleaning of dinner. The mind-numbing and quite-boring-at-times work of a mom. Wishing for a nap because I just can’t seem to get to feeling 100% these days. And he’s asking me, “What’s wrong?” Ugh.

At this moment in our marriage, I wish one of us would have been the gracious mature one. One of us could have been the one that took a deep breath and tried really hard to humbly quit thinking of ourself and intentionally put ourself in the other person’s shoes. I should have calmly answered the question he asked, giving my input with care and concern instead of annoyance.

He could have offered to do the dishes or said he wanted to talk to just me about our days after we cleaned the kitchen together. He could have observed an annoyed wife and just overlooked my response and found a way to help me in what I was doing.

Dying to self. It’s the heart of living for God. It’s what Jesus did for me and for Josh, yet we can be so easily offended. So easily annoyed when we aren’t treated a certain way. So slow to consider the other person before ourself.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. There’s always another chance to let go of my own “rights” and concerns and elevate Josh and his concerns. John 3:30 says, “He [Jesus] must become greater; I must become less.” That’s some great marriage advice. I pray I’ll live it out today!

Molly got to walk in the Homecoming Parade Friday and then the dance was Saturday evening. Mack even got to go because a friend from his old school asked him. Molly went with our cool neighbor, Emory and a few others. They went to Waffle House, danced for a few hours and then came here to hang out a bit. Seemed like a great night!

These are fun days full of memory making events. Another Homecoming in the books.

The year 2022 was full of life and changes for our family. There were highs. There were lows. Most days were somewhere in between.

Personally, I started working with a nutritionist in February. Finally I was going to be working out AND really paying attention to my food. To get these working together has been a target I’ve never hit for any substantial amount of time. I just knew by the end of the year I could be in the best shape of my life if I stayed consistent.

Things started out great. I’d print my weekly meal plan, grocery shop, prepare the meals for the week and then eat them and them only each day. Next, I added in more cardio. My nutritionist is also a trainer, so she was very specific and intentional about the cardio. I did not do every single thing she asked, but I gave it a good go. Like running and walking for over an hour. Or walking on a treadmill at 3.5 speed at 12 elevation for 45 minutes. I even tried fasted cardio a few mornings a week. I was spent physically. The scale revealed a loss of roughly 8-10 pounds over the course of four months. Pictures revealed abs and some muscle I knew had to be under the layer of softness. Yet, I reached a point where nothing was changing despite my aggressive efforts. My nutritionist told me she’d been doing this a long time and felt strongly I should get my hormones checked. Something wasn’t adding up.

So in August I got in with a functional doctor who specializes in hormones. Sure enough, my progesterone was in the gutter. My testosterone was almost non existent. We got results from a DUTCH urine test showing my DHEA levels were on empty, as well as my cortisol levels. Hello, adrenal fatigue. In addition, and not expected necessarily, was hypothyroidism.

Good grief. This was a lot to process. I began taking bioidentical HRT, some thyroid medication, and quite a few supplements—adrenal rebuilder, vitamin D, Omega 3, probiotic and a multi vitamin.

And I gained ten pounds over the next three months. Fun times.

Other symptoms that were pointing to something not being right were hair loss, dry skin, cracking nails and bleeding skin on both my thumbs, anxiousness through the roof and irritability like never before. The slightest stress sent me searching for a hole to bury myself in. Everything felt like too much. Everything.

Thyroid medicine dosage was increased, progesterone and testosterone were increased. The next set of lab work showed estrogen levels very high, so enter a Hormone Protector supplement meant to help me metabolize my estrogen. All other numbers were only slightly improved. Everything seems to be taking its own sweet time to get to an optimal level. In the mean time, I’m supposed to not overdo it on cardio and not under eat even though the pounds seem to be packing on despite eating pretty much the same.

I would find myself saying, “I’m just in a rough patch.” It was true and began as an innocent confession and even a hopeful statement that it would not always be this way. But then it was a mantra repeated over and over again with each new symptom or with the new, bigger sized jeans I had to buy. “I’m just in a rough patch.” The bandaids covering my thumbs every day. “I’m just in a rough patch.” Not being able to keep up with house work. “I’m just in a rough patch.” My nightly routine of supplements and laying out the thyroid pills to take as soon as my eyes opened each morning. “I’m just in a rough patch.”

I started asking God to give me a better perspective. I asked Him to help me replace, “I’m just in a rough patch,” with something He would want to say to me. Then, one day I was reading in Romans 13 and got directed to Psalm 107 where verse 7 says “He led them also by a straight way/ level way.” This is in reference to those who were wandering in the wilderness. They were hungry and thirsty and their soul fainted within them. His leading to a level path was a lovingkindness. He filled their life with good.

I was also cross referenced to Isaiah 42:16–“I will lead the blind by a way they do not know. In paths they do not know I will guide them. I will make darkness into light before them and rugged places into plains. These are the things I will do, and I will not leave them undone.”

What beautiful words of truth I needed to hear. Much better mantras to have on repeat than, “I’m just in a rough patch.” I need God to make my “rugged places into plains.” I could sure use a level path. Not so much for ease as for having His perspective on life’s circumstances. To be sure, I would love complete and full health restored. But I know how often God uses the rough patches to soften our hearts towards Him and others. Compassion grows in our personal hard times. Or at least the potential is there for this to be true. So more than ease, I am praying for God to guide me and give me spiritual sight and to make His presence known to me more fully than ever before. To see His lovingkindness towards me in every day life.

Just like the whole of Psalm 107, people had troubles, they cried out to God and He delivered them. “Who is wise? Let him give heed to these things and consider the lovingkindnesses of the Lord.” (Psalm 107:43)

I also share all of this because all of this stuff isn’t really the topic of much conversation. Who really wants to discuss hormones and nasty symptoms of mid-life? Well, not many people, that’s for sure. But here I am if you need a place to pull up a chair and ask some questions. Or commiserate. I’ve learned a little bit and am still learning every day. But living in misery and accepting life as a long road of a rough patch is no way to live. There’s help from doctors and medicine. There’s help from the Lord!

To wrap this up, I will say that my progesterone and testosterone HRT have helped tremendously!!! I am not anxious or stressed almost at all. It’s such a relief to live like this. Things that would annoy me seem to roll off my back. Praise the Lord! My hair isn’t coming out like it was. And my thumbs are finally starting to heal. And sleep is amazing, compared to before. Praise the Lord for His lovingkindness.

No matter what 2023 brings, I can be confident the Lord is with me—in the rough patches and the smooth ones!

It was fitting for us to get out of town over Christmas Break. We all needed a change of scenery. A place where we didn’t have to be productive. A place where laundry piles aren’t bothersome. A place where the gym is far away and my rowing machine isn’t shamefully calling my name while I’m eating ginger snaps and sipping hot cocoa. With marshmallows. A place with no alarm clocks or schedules or even other people besides us five.

We finished our little 250 piece puzzle too soon. I wish I had listened to Josh and let him get the 500 piece puzzle but I was afraid no one was going to help me. Oh well. Bonanza on the tv. Fire in the fireplace. Barely 10 degrees outside!

Waking up to snow on Christmas Eve. And –3 degrees. Good grief!!! Got an email the power is out at our house in Charlotte. Thankful we do have power here and praying for all the power line workers. Brrrrrrr.

We had a sweet Christmas morning with breakfast when the kids woke up. Josh led our family in a devotion and reading of Jesus’ birth. Then, we opened gifts.

We went for a freezing walk afterwards.

We had steaks, twice baked potatoes, green beans and chicken and dressing. It was delicious!

Then, naps😂

I didn’t want to leave, which is totally unlike me. I am usually a home body —especially at holidays. And yet I knew we all needed a change of scenery, an escape from the regular routine. Coming back home actually felt a little heavy. Life is so full and fast paced around here, but this is our life and I did have to come back to Charlotte and face the music.

But I did so enjoy the slow pace, the games, the long talks, having all three kids share a room, listening to their jokes and crazy stories, spending time with an undistracted Josh. I will savor these moments.

Super thankful for the Christmas Getaway! We had a merry time🎄❤️🎄❤️🎄❤️🎄❤️🎄❤️

Last Friday was Homecoming night at Carmel Christian School. Ruby had to return as 2022’s Homecoming Queen to crown the next Homecoming Queen. And, amazingly, she got to crown Molly!! A rare, very special moment for our family. 💕💕👸🏼👸🏻

Not to mention these two girls were homeschooled until high school. Do you know how many people questioned me about how I made sure they were socialized? Hmmmm, maybe we should capitalize on this moment and have them write a book—“From Homeschool to Homecoming Queens.” The tag line could be, “You’re actually only as weird as your parents.” Or maybe, “How you can be homeschooled and know how to talk to people.”

We are so happy for Molly! It was a fun evening for all of us. 😊😊😊😊😊😊😊

I was reading Philippians last week and came across Paul’s famous passage on contentment. He used my word of this year—HUNGRY— and it got me thinking. Now that it’s November, what has that word meant to me these past months? Why did God impress that word on me back in January 2022? Have I paid enough attention to that theme in my life?

I also searched my Apple Music for Open My Hands by Sara Groves that holds these lyrics —“I believe in a fountain that will never dry, though I’ve thirsted and didn’t have enough. Thirst is no measure of His faithfulness; He withholds no good thing from us.”

Paul specifically says in Philippians 4:12, “I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need.”

But, wait. I thought God always gives us what we need!?! Why would Paul be hungry or suffer need if this is true? Why would Sara Groves write that she has thirsted and not had enough when Jesus clearly says if we drink from Him we will never thirst again? Why does she say thirst is no measure of His faithfulness?

I thought of Psalm 131 that has spoken to several situations in my life over this past year. It consists of three verses that paint a picture of a weaned child sitting in his mom’s lap. He says he is resting against his mother. A nursing child against his mother is usually looking for food, looking to be filled with what he needs before he is able to rest. But the weaned child has “withdrawn from things that were at one time indispensable.” This child has experienced “growth and advancement and is gaining strength.” (G. Campbell Morgan) David is declaring that his soul is like a weaned child—satisfied and at rest in The Lord. Mature. Content. Trusting. Knowing the Lord will give him what he needs when he needs it. There’s a track record of faithfulness.

This morning I was reading Colossians 2 and verse 10 struck me and helped me fill in some blanks to my thoughts lately. In the line of many references to Christ and how we are being built up IN CHRIST and being challenged to walk IN CHRIST, reminded that IN CHRIST all the fullness of Deity dwells— verse ten days, “IN HIM (Christ) you have been made complete.” Complete can be translated “full.”

IN HIM YOU HAVE BEEN MADE FULL!

There we have it. When I don’t fully recognize my completeness, my fullness in Christ, I go other places or to other people or look for other circumstances to satisfy. And when they don’t, I feel lacking. I feel hungry. My desires—for material things, for comforts of the world, for sex, for acceptance, for health, for acknowledgment, etc make huge holes in my soul that God alone can fill. The feelings of emptiness are there to make us aware of our need for Christ.

Then does that mean I’ll always have what I need? Yes. Christ is all I need. In Him you have been made complete.

Does that mean I’ll never feel hungry or thirsty or restless? No. That’s why Lottie Moon could give away her needed food to her Chinese neighbors and starve to death. She was full in Christ. It’s why we can make decisions that honor God, despite challenging circumstances. We are full and complete in Christ. It’s why even though I’m currently facing imbalanced hormones, dry and cracked and bleeding thumbs (I don’t know why!), Adrenal fatigue, still raising three teenagers, missing Josh because of his full schedule and extra church commitments in this season, plus it’s the holidays and we all know how crazy they can be….I must sit with the Lord every morning and talk with Him all throughout the day. Or else I’ll find myself rummaging through the garbage cans of life trying to find what I need.

Psalm 84:11 “…no good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly.”

Rest in The Lord today. Let His presence fill you. In Christ you have been made full.

This is about to be a ridiculous photo dump since I’ve not kept up on the blog! So much has gone on around here. Each kid has a full life! Josh stays busy with work and his current church responsibilities, which include searching for God’s choice for the next pastor for our church. I’m managing the schedules (or trying to) and going through some fun midlife changes that all women have to deal with. It’s not boring around here, that is for certain.

I’m still incredibly unsettled in this season. Kids don’t really need me that much, but enough that I don’t feel ready to add a job or go back to school. I’m just trusting that the motto “one step at a time” will get me into the next season eventually.

We spend a lot of time at the football field. I pick up CFA every Friday and deliver it to the team. I do my best to attend every Thursday chapel for Molly. And we miss Ruby but know she’s right where she needs to be! and Rolo is still my shadow.

We’ve enjoyed some one on one time with Molly and Mack. We loved having Aunt Pep and Uncle Jerry visit us. And Augusta family make a trip to see Mack play football in a town near them.

We had a great visit with Ruby in September. Football and food and just being together. Liberty is a great place. We are deeply grateful Ruby is there! We even got to go to church with here which was a welcome refreshment to our souls!!!!!

Then Ruby returned the visit over fall break.

Mack helped coach the Powder puff game, and he participated in class games during the Homecoming pep rally. He seems to be adjusting to his new school just fine!

And Molly does a great job leading her peers in an exciting worship time. She’s playing keys this year in addition to some singing.

Homecoming Dance was at The Charlotte Motor Speedway. He had a blast!

And there you have a little update on the happenings around here 😊