I stand over the washing machine. It is whistling and whining and shaking and rattling. Do I have other things to do besides babysit a 21 plus year old washer? Why, yes, I do. But I also don’t have time for a flooding of my upstairs. So I stand there. Waiting. Watching. Wishing I had ordered a new machine three days ago when I figured out the water on the floor was coming from under the washing machine.
Next up is a group text about something for my kids that I didn’t really want to be a part of in the first place, yet I am the one having to make decisions and adjust plans and get this kid to a certain place on a certain day on which I was intending to take a breath and catch up on things around the house—like the laundry I won’t be doing while we wait on the new washer to be delivered.
I water plants out in the freezing cold.
I pull up trash cans from the road that some kid that lives here said he’d do later.
I fold clothes.
I unload the dishwasher.
I lay out the chicken I will be cooking for dinner.
I eat lunch at home like I do most days. While eating, I read an article by one of my favorite writers. She writes so well and it reminds me that I like to write. I actually love to write. To string words together and tell a story or make someone laugh or cry or make someone think—and even better if they laugh, cry, and think in the same paragraph. I haven’t written in so very long. I have notes here, there and yonder. Starred words on a page to remind me to come back and write about this or that. Yet, I haven’t been going back to the stars. I haven’t spent time typing out words that have been rolling around in my mind and heart.
No, I am babysitting washing machines.
I suppose this could sound like a pity party. I suppose there are women who would love to be at home doing these things. I agree with the sentiment—SOMEBODY HAS TO DO IT. And yes, so many times I know that “somebody” is me. And sometimes I am glad it is me. But I miss writing. I miss creativity. I miss documenting life around here in this season. I miss using my brain in new ways. Just the other day I had to straighten up an often-used closet. I didn’t want to do it. Not because it was hard. To the contrary. It was so mundane and so simple. I still had to say outloud over and over, “I am the CEO of this house. I am the CEO of this house. Now, get this closet back in order!” And that is what I did.
Gah! This isn’t ending in a positive light. I am trying to think of a way to spin it to something nice and sweet and deep, but that isn’t coming to me.
It’s just this one thing— I miss writing.
So stayed tuned….maybe sooner than later I will make the time to put on a writer’s hat and open up this laptop for more than five minutes. Don’t give up on me just yet. 🙂