Two Years

Two years have passed without my mom here. During the days and weeks after her death I had a hard time recalling good memories with her. I don’t know why that was exactly, but it was. I would think hard and try to make my brain think of the good times or laughs I had with her. Maybe it was the trauma and shock of her sudden, unexpected death that caused a block in my brain. Maybe I was sort of mad at her for what she did. But when the memories would come to me, I would write them down or speak them outloud to Josh and the kids. Like the time she put together a surpise party for my 10th birthday. Or the days I spent with her in the RV on the beach that summer. Or the memory I have of her reaching out to hold my hand when I was about 8 years old in a parking lot of Roses…or was it a movie theatre?

One thing I have found to be true is that there are some things only your mom wants to hear about from you. I have wanted to pick up the phone and call her to tell her something or shoot her a text of a photo or ask her a question, but she is not here. So here are some thoughts that came to me out of frustration when I wanted to share something that only my mom would care about but couldn’t.

You know who wants to see a pic of your new dress? Your mom.

You know who likes to see a pic via text of your new sandals? Your mom. 

You know who would smile to see how you got your toes done?  Your mom. 

You know who never tires of hearing how great your kids are? Your mom. 

You know who can handle the venting from the hardest parts of motherhood? Your mom. 

You know who wants to see your new haircut that you’re unsure of? Your mom. 

You know who cares about that new recipe you tried and loved? Your mom. 

You know who you can ask any question about hormones and growing older and other fun stuff like that? Your mom. 

You know who likes to see pictures of your dog sleeping so cutely on your lap? Your mom.

You know who you can share your politcal views with and even disagree with without severing the relationship? Your mom.

You know who tells the best stories about you from your childhood? Your mom.

So if you still have your mom here with you, be grateful and aware of the blessings of sharing life with her. Even if she’s a mom who doesn’t seem to care all that much. You can show her how to care by your loving actions.

Since the passing of my mom, my sisters and I have shared all these things with each other. I always want to hear about their kids or see their new dress or haircut. Our relationship was really good before, but there is something more there now, in the after. I am so grateful that I have had them to walk with through the past two years. So grateful.

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