I remember those evening hours when we had a newborn baby in the house. That sick feeling in your stomach because you just weren’t sure how the night was going to go. Would they sleep? Would they be extra hungry? Would they be gassy? Would they just want their mama? Who knew?!? The heavy cloud of the unknown would settle on our house around 6:00pm, as the sun also began to slowly disappear.
I have noticed a little bit of the evening “blues” during these Stay At Home days. But it isn’t so much that I don’t know how the night will go— I seem to be sleeping ok. It’s more that I know exactly what to expect the next day…and the day after that and after that and after that. And how much longer will things be like this?
Monday I journaled some simple thoughts, and I wanted to share. Sometimes we feel like we have to be ALL on the “I trust God is good and is working even when I don’t understand” and any ounce of frustration means I don’t trust Him. And I just don’t believe that is true at all. The enemy tries to trip me up on this often. However, from my experience, God shows up so personally when I am able to begin my time with Him being honest about where I truly am.
Here’s a peek into my journal:
“I get really ‘blue’ in the evenings, Lord. The thought of waking up to the same kind of day that I already know I don’t like is a downer. Another week of school at home. Another week of figuring out dinner every night. Another week of doing all the hard things—workouts, cleaning, laundry, keeping kids focused—and all without rewards or celebrations with people we love and enjoy being around.”
I went on to ask myself and the Lord—“How can I make this week fun for us?” (Fun is hard for me under normal circumstances, so I am extra challenged these Covid-19 days.) And I asked, “What can we look forward to?” Sidenote: Ruby asks this often. And lately, I just look at her like, Seriously—what am I looking forward to? Let me glance at my calendar…ummmm, nothing. Absolutely positively nothing. And I know that is being dramatic and negative, both of which come quite naturally for me, so I don’t actually say those words. I muster up something like…it’ll be fun to go for the 700th walk in the neighborhood this week.
Then, I read my ADORE devotion by Sarah Hagerty, which I highly recommend!! She says, “God leans in to reach us in the midst of what we are tempted to resent.” And she challenged me to “Look for God tucked away in my circumstances.” And it hit me—-THIS IS WHAT I CAN LOOK FORWARD TO!! God showing up in my circumstances that I don’t particularly care for.
So I prayed, “Lord, Please show up as tender and gentle with me today and open my eyes to see You! To experience You fully.”
And I got up with an expectant heart for God in my day. And you know what? I sensed Him several specific times and thanked Him for being near and helping me take notice. We always have something to look forward to when we walk with the Lord! Even during a global pandemic.