We found a car for Ruby last weekend! While she was at a musical with a friend (have I told you she is so much like her Gran?!?), we bought it and parked it sideways in the driveway so she would see it when they pulled up.
They drove to church And they are driving to school! Can you say Mama has worked herself out of a big part of her job?!? It’s weird and good at the same time.
There’s nothing quite like teaching your kids to drive and then letting them actually drive off with most of your heart buckled up inside.
Gracious, parenting is NOT for the faint of heart. I often tell Josh I feel like I’m living at my wits’ end at all times in this season of life. Lots of big breaths and learning what to harp on and what to let go. If middle school boys would decide black tennis shoes are more cool than white tennis shoes, all the middle school boy moms would be much happier and less frustrated. It would be a start anyway.
Everyone wants to be remembered for something great after they are gone from this earth. At the rate I am going, I am likely to be remembered for my ability to do laundry or maybe my stellar weekly grocery store runs.
Faced with this quandry of how I might be remembered, a random thought occurred to me over the months we were sequestered to home last March, April, May….until we realized we could indeed go on with life. While we were home eating all of our feelings, I decided to try and find Druie’s famous cherry pie recipe. Now, you may be wondering who Druie is. Well, the facts are that she is Josh’s grandmother on his dad’s side. The opinion, of which an in-law, such as myself, best not question, is that she is the best cook to ever walk the planet.
I recently asked Josh for some of his favorite dishes by Druie, and he smirked and said, “You know, everything she touched was just the best thing you’d ever put in your mouth.” Alrighty, then. He continued, “Fried chicken, cubed steak, pork chops, corn, field peas, dressing, lemon meringue pie, cherry pie, strawberry pie…” Abruptly interrupting him, I asked if he was fully aware that I was not at all a great cook when he married me. He said he didn’t need to eat like that on a regular basis anyway. So, it truly is no secret that cooking isn’t my favorite thing. I do it almost daily. I wish I loved it. I wish I cared enough about food to even take a second look at a recipe that involves more than four steps, but I do not.
During our Stay-at-Home order, I made a “Cherry Delight” recipe which got raving reviews from Josh and may have been as close as I was going to get to matching the famous Cherry Pie dessert Druie made. To be fair, Irvin had tried a couple of recipes that just didn’t cut it, so my work was made easier by his previous efforts. Also thanks to Irvin, I have Druie’s Thanksgiving dressing recipe written out with clear instructions for “the best dressing known to man.” I don’t think Josh would celebrate Thanksgiving without it.
Now just because I don’t regularly fry up chicken or whip up a pie to die for doesn’t necessarily mean that I can’t be known for my cooking skills some time far in the future when I am old and gray or maybe when I am no longer walking this earth. Here’s my plan. I am going to have my grandkids call me “Druie.” Over the course of the years and the story-telling and the recipes that will be passed down, the coming generations won’t know which Druie was the original G.O.A.T. cook. In the blur of the lines of who is who and when she lived and where, I might get even half the credit for being an amazing cook as she was and maybe it will be said of me, “you know, everything she touched was just the best thing you’d ever put in your mouth.”
Amazingly, we are already in March! I want to sit and blog. I have started several drafts and have yet to return to them. Because LIFE! I’m living it, that’s for sure. Recording it and expounding on thoughts seems like something that may need to wait. One day. I hope.
In the meantime, let me use photos to catch us up.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Mothers of teenagers need a dog. The faithful one in the house that isn’t emotional or dramatic. She still wants to sit with me every chance she gets. She goes on walks with me, happily. She greets me with a smile and hugs when I get home. If I could just train her to unlock the door and help me unload groceries and maybe put away her toys, this relationship would be near perfect. Found this old photo on my phone. Gracious, time has ticked right on by. I love this kid. He turns 14 this month.
Josh and I are doing proactive things to stay healthy and keep this pill holder filled with vitamins and probiotics rather than Blood pressure medicine or some other medicine we can keep from taking. Some choose to wear masks on walks outside alone or alone in their car or even double masks. Others of us are listening to scientists and doctors and upping our Vitamin D and K. Taking Quercitin and Zinc and a multivitamin and probiotic. We’re trying to make good food choices, rubbing thieves or On Guard oil on the bottom of our feet at bedtime, and I go to the gym three times a week like it’s a job and enjoy walks with Rolo often. We are getting 8 hours of sleep, too. There are things you can do to be a healthy person. Wearing a mask is just not one of them.
We hosted and engagement party for Noah and Ashley! It was so fun to love on them in this way. I didn’t get a photo of the family…but it was a wonderful night of fun and celebration!Mack played in his first middle school baseball game and got a hit and ended up going home eventually, so that was super fun! I’m proud of him for jumping into baseball at his age. It seems most boys have played their whole lives. Mack has not—and he wants to let us know “y’all should have made me play when I was little.” Well that’s exactly what we didn’t want to do! You know those parents. Dad was a baseball player so little son has to play and like it, too. Mack liked football. We went that route for a while. Now we’re trying baseball. It is what it is. He’s got a lot to learn, but no matter what you do, there’s always more to learn!
Ruby has prom April 1, so we have to find a dress soon. And we hope to get a car for her this month, so that’s a lot to think about!
And here’s Molly. She can sometimes be found randomly videoing things around the house. Who knows what she is doing with the footage?!?? I just need to approve it beforehand.
And I end the way I started. With the puppy. She loves me a little too much sometimes.
Hopefully there will be more lively, interesting blogs to read in the near future! Hang in there with me. ❤️
This picture. I took it at Marcy’s house on May 19, 2019 when Cacy and Brian stopped by to see us as they drove out to Durham Town to camp. I remember distinctly looking at the photo on my phone screen and contemplating if I should send it to my mom’s phone. But, she was in such a sad place and said she wished she was with us that I didn’t want to send it to her and it come across as “Here we are all together, but you can’t be with us because you’re not feeling well.” That could make her feel left out and even more sad, so I decided not to send it for fear of upsetting her. I would just show it to her tomorrow when I went to visit her.
Well, that visit never happened. The “tomorrow” I had planned was the worst day of my life. And I have to be in the right frame of mind and heart or this photo can haunt me. It actually makes my stomach hurt to look at it too long.
What if she had seen the precious faces of her grandkids who think she is awesome and fun and loving? What if this photo would have been just the encouragment she needed to push through her pain and confusion? What if she would have realized how many people love her just the way she is and, besides, who else will send the birthday cards and buy the popsicles for their visits or let them have too many sweets?
But I didn’t send it.
But what if I did send it and the outcome of her life was the same? Then what? Would it haunt me in other ways? What if you had not sent her that photo and driven her into more of a depressed state? What if you had waited to just go see her instead of showing her a photo of the grandkids that she didn’t feel good enough to be around?
What I’ve learned as I have walked through grief (there is not an actual end) and have since been close to others who also are walking through grief of their own is that we all have “What if” questions that threaten to take us down. We all wish we could go back and have another chance to say how we feel about our loved one, to make a different decision surrounding the circumstances of our loved one’s death.
I am reminded during these downward spiral of thoughts of what Josh once told me as we were laying in bed and I was spewing out my feelings and questions about my mom.
“These are God’s things, Kristy.”
And they were. And they are still. Sometimes I think I have made amazing progress and I have let all of the “what ifs” go and then something triggers an onslaught of them. I take a deep breath and remember that these are God’s things. I won’t know all I think I want to know. I am not God. My decisions aren’t paramount. My power is no power at all. But God is God. His power is unlimited. His abilities aren’t thwarted by me.
I trust He is not overwhelmed with all the “things” He has to do and all the people He has to keep up with. So I will keep casting all my cares upon the Lord because He cares for me (I Peter 5:7). And He cares for you, too. Trust Him with all the things.
If you had told me five years ago that I would be sitting in Charlotte, NC and hanging out with my dog, going to a gym three days a week, and my kids would be in a real school and not at home with me, I would not have believed you. Afterall, five years ago I didn’t like dogs.
They say five years is about how long it takes for a place to feel like home. I remember scoffing at those words, thinking surely it won’t take me that long. I mean, how hard can it be? I am a friendly person.
a-hem. Excuse me while I eat crow.
Five years is actually pretty gracious. For me anyway. For here. For this season of life.
But here we are almost five years in Charlotte and all of those things are true about my life—the dog, the gym, the school. I had a meeting with Ruby’s School Guidance Counselor about her Senior classes, so I have been a bit reflective as I consider that my own child is going to be a senior in high school. I remembered that she was only starting 7th grade when we moved here. She turned 13 not too terribly long after we moved here and now we are considering colleges.
Indeed, life has ticked on at its own pace.
Coinciding with my reflectiveness on life, I have been in Corinthians and 2 Corinthians 2:14 says, “But thanks be to God who always leads us in triumph in Christ and manifests through us the sweet aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place.” I remember reading this several years back and thinking how I didn’t feel like I was triumphing here in Charlotte, but was comforted that even though it didn’t feel like triumphant living, God was leading me in triumph. His Word says so.
A few days later I was in chapter 6 of 2 Corinthians and found “2017” written in the margin of chapter 6, verse 10, “as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing.” Sorrow most definitely marked my days and nights here. Yet God graciously taught me to be joyful too. You can have joy in sorrow. I knew that in theory before moving here; I walked it out in those first few years.
I thought back on how a group of my close friends from Georgia drove here during their Thanksgiving Break to love on me and see our new place. I needed that encouragement. I thought back on the many evenings Josh and I would sit quietly together after dinner. We didn’t want to overwhelm each other with all that we were actually feeling. We did from time to time, but we also could see in each other a breaking point. These days strengthened our marriage—not because we relied on each other for rescue or cast all our cares on each other, but because we took them consistently to the Lord, and we were fully aware that He was the only one who could shoulder these cares of ours. I thought back on how I gave in and got a dog because I wanted the kids to be happy about something and enjoy living here. I thought back on our floundering to find a place in church. I remember Sundays being the most dreaded day of the week; this couldn’t have been more opposite for us as a family. I remember needing my GPS for absolutely everywhere I wanted to go. I remember not knowing where the closest Target was and not having a close Publix to get groceries from. I remember Mack turning double digits and Molly getting her first guitar and teaching herself how to play in those lonely days.
So now I reflect on our years here with great fondness. It has been a time of deepening my walk with the Lord. “You don’t know He is all you need until He is all you have.” they say…and in a sense this was true for me in Charlotte. He really met me right where I found myself and was to me all that I needed Him to be.
So when I got to 2 Corinthians 9:18, “And God is able to make ALL grace ABOUND to you, so that ALWAYS having ALL sufficiency in EVERYTHING, you may have an ABUNDANCE for EVERY good deed….You will be enriched in EVERYTHING for ALL liberality, which through us is producing thanksgiving to God,” I was able to say AMEN. He has been more than I could have imagined and met my every need and so many wants. And I can genuinely say, “Thanks be to God for indescribable gift!” (2 Cor 9:15). He is the giver of the gift, and He is the gift.
We haven’t been here five years quite yet, but I love looking back and seeing how the Lord has walked us every step of the way. He is good. He is trustworthy. He is able to supply our every need. And I just wanted to thank Him for all He has done for us and been to us in this season.
Well, I am figuring God is letting the kids know that things that are super fun and traditions that they thought they would be a part of but can’t be because of covid restrictions are just not as important as they once thought. And who am I to doubt a good God and His ways? So we daily entrust ourselves to Him as we grapple with disappointments or crushed expectations. And then we make the best of a tough situation and have a great time along the way.
Homecoming 2021 was held this morning. No dance or date. No basketball game or pep rally. No big crowds in the gym. BUT there was a parade. If we have learned anything through this global pandemic, it’s how to bring back the parade!
Josh and Molly hung out most of the morning together. They are so cute.
I am proud that Molly got chosen by her peers to represent her Sophomore class mostly because I think she is friendly to all of the students and loves people. I love how God made her! She is a light!
Let me tell you who I am also proud of….Ruby. She is such a good older sister to Molly. She keeps her grounded in ways she may need to be grounded. She uses her wisdom and discernment and shares it with Molly often. AND she wrote Molly a sweet note and left it in the bathroom for her to find this morning when she got up (she got to come in to school later than the others). It made my heart swell with pride and love for Ruby when I found out she did that for Molly. Always encouraging and loving on her sister. They have such a gift in each other, and I am sure they will realize it the older they get.
Sweet Ruby videoing Josh and Molly in the parade. LOVE HER!
So it was fun! And it was cold! And it was a great memory, a bright spot on a dreary day in a dreary season. We are choosing to be grateful and celebrate the good! I hope you are doing the same wherever you are.
Harry Potter and the Socerer’s Stone, Monsters Inc and Oceans 11 were top movies to watch that year.
Friends was the most popular tv show.
1st Generation iPod was being sold at $400.
“Emily, Madison, Hannah & Ashley” were top baby girl names.
George W. Bush was inaugurated as President.
Rudolph Giuliani was Time Magazine’s Person of the Year (my how things have changed).
2001 also marked the biggest tragedy in America in my lifetime: The 9/11 attacks.
Arizona Diamondbacks were World Series Champs, Baltimore Ravens won the Super Bowl & LA Lakers were NBA Champs.
Also noteworthy, Josh and Kristy got married January 27.
Twenty years ago. Two decades ago. It’s hard to believe that much time has passed, and yet I can hardly remember life before Josh. Our marriage, while imperfect, has been one of the greatest joys of my life. Having a husband like Josh is a gift straight from God and just the partner I needed to walk through life with.
I took some time last summer on our early 20th anniversary trip to West Palm Beach to journal about our marriage. My mind was rested, my body was relaxed, the sun was beating down on the beautiful sand while I watched the ocean waves crash, so the word for each year came to me with ease. I thought I’d record that journal entry here to commemorate our 20 years together as husband and wife.
2001: FUN. Newlyweds, new apartment in Florida, back to Georgia, just a good time all around
2002: CHANGE. Moved apartments, found a new church, met new friends, learned new city
2003: UNKNOWNS. Josh quit his first job, signed contract on new house, Josh got very sick, found out we were pregnant with Ruby, Josh started new job
2004: ANTICIPATION. Waiting on Ruby’s arrival, Josh growing into new job
2005: SURPRISE. Molly was born (only 14 months after we welcomed Ruby to the world)…we forget the rest.
2006: GROWTH. Pregnant with Mack, led a growing Sunday school class of young families, Josh continued to grow into his job in the commercial real estate field
2007: HARD. Three babies (2 year old, 1 year old, newborn)
2008: DRAINED. I hit an emotional wall at the end of this year, turned to God in all of my emptiness with nothing to offer but my tired, weary self. And He was faithful to meet me.
2009: EMPTY. We built and moved into our “dream home” that sucked the life and money right out of us.
2010: FAITH-BUILDING. As we let go of our dreams and plans and trusted God for His plans and purposes for our lives…
2011: GRIEF. Deb —Josh’s mom— went to heaven, leaving a hole in all of our hearts. Also, HUMILITY. We moved back into our old house after selling the dream home.
2012: FREEDOM. From debt. From trying to be anything or anyone other than who God wanted us to be. From trying to carry out our own dreams apart from God. Freedom for Josh to take on another job in ministry, in addition to his commercial real estate work.
2013: THANKFUL. Loads of friends at church, homeschooling a 10, 9, 8 year old (sweeet ages!), went to Haiti as a family. Life seemed manageable and not as stressful as in recent years.
2014: STRETCHED. Josh’s two jobs stretched him in many ways. The ministry was booming. He was still teaching and leading a large group at church, his real estate job was going very well, but this year also provided a very stressful financial situation to walk through, not of our own doing.
2015: RESTLESS. This was a busy, full year with many wonderful things going on in our lives, YET, we were both restless and couldn’t put our finger on what needed to change or what we were doing wrong. I had a vision of Jesus picking me up and walking away with me. I had no idea what that meant exactly but shared it with Josh and wrote it in my journal.
2016: BIG MOVE. Through a series of events, God made it clear that He was calling us to a new adventure — He just didn’t make it clear how hard it would be. We went to Africa in June with the ministry Josh served with and by July we were selling our house, buying a new home in Charlotte, NC for the job Josh would start Sept. 1!
2017: OVERWHELMED. Everything was new. Work was difficult. Loneliness threatened to take me under. I started counseling to have someone to process this with. Could not find our place in a church.
2018: PHYSICAL AND MENTAL HEALTH. Josh was managing his new role much better at this point. I began taking care of my physical and mental health and went from barely surviving to thriving during this year.
2019: GRIEF AND TRAUMA. My mom took her own life. Horrible in every way. LETTING GO. The kids started attending a private Christian school, which was needed for them and for me in this season. God’s timing and provision could not be denied.
2020: WEIRD. COVID-19 entered the USA and turned everything upside down in ways only a global pandemic can. More disappointments than can be named….and yet, God increased intimacy with Him and strengthened our marriage and our family through the unknowns of a very strange year.
2021: We are only just beginning and only God knows what word will rise to my mind when I think about this year as it relates to our family and our marriage. But I have high hopes for less masks and less disappointments and more growth with deeper intimacy as we celebrate 20 years and pray for 80 more!
HAPPY 20TH ANNIVERSARY, JOSH! I LOVE YOU. You are a fabulous husband in every way, and I love and respect you so, so much.
1997: our first photo together, just friends sharing french fries at Huddle House2000: dating several years, this was after UGA vs SC baseball game—he’s on the field and I’m in the stands cheering, very fitting for how I see our marriage2001: rehearsal dinner 2001: wedding day2020: our early anniversary trip to EAU Resort in Palm Beach20 years together! relaxed, happy and more in love than ever
“I have found the one whom my soul loves.” Song of Solomon 3:4
I love my necklace. Maybe should have used skin care on my neck more consistently🤣
Y’all doing ok out there? The world is upside down crazy. I won’t even begin to type the list of things going on in the U.S.A. Suffice it to say—it’s chaotic and can be stressful if you ingest too much of the media.
It’s kind of stressful in the Dorminy house these days, too. And before you get concerned, you should know it’s nothing major. I have, however, started eating low carb. I am on day 7 and everyone is still living and breathing in this house, so I can count that as a success. BUT it was touch and go for a while there.
I am just mean. Mean, mean, mean. Annoyed by everything, patient with no one.
I forewarned Josh and the kids. Plainly, I stated, “I’m about to start eating low carb for a couple of months so be patient with me. I’ll be mean. Just ignore me. It will probably get better in a couple of weeks.”
Well, it’s hard to ignore a nagging, impatient, cranky middle-aged woman who threatens to take away all technology privileges if you don’t obey her every word and even read her mind. They tried. I overheard one of them say to the other two, “You know, she did tell us to just ignore her. It’s gonna be fine…”
Then today I got a call from God.
Not actually God, but definitely a divinely appointed conversation. A relative whom I adore and who is a few steps farther down the road than me called to thank me for a book I sent her, and as we talked about life she spoke right to my heart. She was talking about her life when her kids were younger and how life goes by so fast and how many of the times she thinks she was often self-centered and wishes she hadn’t been. She said she thinks she would have enjoyed her kids more if so much of her decisions didn’t put her at the center.
Oof.
That was convicting. I stopped wiping down the counters as she talked and knew these were words for me.
No doubt there was pushback that bubbled up as I continued my conversation with the Lord about this later that day. Just like a teenager, I had some words I felt the need to say:
“But, Lord, I have given so much time to my kids over the years. Done so much for them. Been pretty patient with them. Don’t forget those ten home school years!! That has to count as something. And they are super close in age—remember Ruby was only 2 when Mack came home!! A two and one year old and a newborn! I mean, that was hard. And this covid business is nothing any of knew was coming so the stress just makes things worse and I’m trying. I am trying!!” (I didn’t add, but could have, and He knows already: “and I’m hungry and tired and they’re home doing school here and driving me bonkers!!!”
And He lets me vent and try to defend my indefensible self. And He loves me still, but doesn’t let up with the pressure on my heart. The truth is: The world doesn’t revolve around you, Kristy. Your family doesn’t revolve around you, Kristy. Your emotions aren’t given a pass because you want a biscuit or even because life as you have known it is changing rapidly and there seems to be no reprieve.
Strangely ironic that the message seems more suitable for a gaggle of toddlers or for my three teenagers and yet, here I am as a 43 year old woman with my patient, long-suffering and loving God having this same conversation.
Big sigh. Sometimes in life you think you’ve gotten farther down the road and then this same, elementary, basic lesson lands in your lap and it’s tempting to be discouraged and throw your hands up at your lack. And actually, throwing your hands up is a good place to start. Just don’t let them drop. Keep them raised in praise to the Good Father who sees you and is so patient with you and wants to help you keep moving down the road of looking more and more like Jesus.
Josh and I have known people who gave amazing thought and prayer into what to name their children. The origin, the meaning, the family history. I have genuine admiration for all of their effort and creativity; truly, I do.
However, our ways are not their ways. Conversations around naming our kids went something like this.
Me: Hey, Josh, I have a few options for names for our baby.
Josh: Oh, good. Lemme hear them.
Me: Scout.
Josh: No way.
Me: Gladys.
Josh: Ain’t happenin’
Me: Ruby?
Josh: Maybe. You can leave that one for now.
And this went on for months. Quietly one day he affirmed Ruby and that was that. The same type of conversations occured while naming Molly and Mack. I did all the work, and he approved or disapproved. I wanted simple names that were easy to spell. Kristy, as I have learned over the years, can be spelled many different ways. Mispellings of my name don’t bother me, but still. Why not choose a simple name that is obvious how to spell, if you can, right? Our only hiccup comes when people think Mack says his name is Matt. We try to coach him to say, “Mack—M-A-C-K—like the big truck,” but he thinks that is goofy. I say not any goofier than answering to Matt instead of your real name. But what do I know?
This morning I read in Mark the list of the twelve disciples. Mark 3:16-17 reads, “And He appointed the twelve: Simon (to whom He gave the name Peter), and James, the son of Zebedee, and John the brother of James (to them He gave the name Boanerges, which means Sons of Thunder);”
G. Campbell Morgan focused on this part of chapter—-And I loved reading what he said:
“This Simon was impulsive, restless, inconsistent, lacking cohesion. Yet He nicknamed him Rock. The name was an indication of his unrealized natural capacities; and of the Lord’s ability to realize them. The sons of Zebedee, James and John, He nicknamed Sons of Thunder. They were men of gentle, filial nature, quiet men, content to abide at home in the service of their father. Yet Jesus renamed them Sons of Thunder; men of authority and power. The principle was the same. In James was the capacity to be so loyal to a Master and a cause as to die for them. In John was the mystic power which would make him a seer, and an interpreter of the great things of life. The Lord was able to bring these things to realization and to employ them for His own glory in cooperation with His service.”
I wonder what God sees in my kids—what might be their “unrealized natural capacities”? What name is he calling me? Josh? How does God want to “bring these things to realization and to employ them for His own glory”? I can’t wait to see it unfold.
Just last night Molly said, “If you had to pick a job for each of us based on what you know about us right now, what would you say we should do?”
Now, I have ideas and wanted to share them, but Josh spoke up and said he didn’t want to say anything because God is so much bigger than any of our thoughts about and dreams for each of the kids. He shared how God overruled and led him right where He needed to be, despite listening to what others thought he should or should not do. And I can’t tell you how many people have told Josh he missed his calling and should have been a preacher. Yet, I think God would have let Josh know if that was what He wanted Josh to do. As for me, I chose the easiest, simplest route to getting through with college—for me, it was teaching. I taught one year and did not like it much. I sometimes think it was such a waste or wish I had someone see something in me and call it out and help me find my way. And yet, I can also say that God overruled in my life, too. Being a wife and mom is a sanctifying, hidden work. And God knew I needed this path to become all He wants for me. And He isn’t done with me yet.
We shared with the kids the strengths and qualities we see in each of them, but stopped short from telling them what career we see them best suited for. Only the Lord knows! Only the Lord can call out in each of them all He has for them….which makes spending time with the One who knows us best so important. I am amazed at how He has walked us through life and to purposes He had planned for us. What a personal God we have the privilege to know.
