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Mack. He’s funny, kind, sensitive, smart, great with words, and he happens to be my favorite 15 year old on the planet. We all laugh more when Mack is around.

I joke that I miss my sweet 9 year old Mack. And I actually do miss him often. But 15 year old Mack is fabulous. He challenges me in so many ways. I think he may have strengthened my prayer life more than any other human. And I love him for that.

I could cry thinking about how time ticks on by with no regard for the moms who just need it to slow down. I remember distinctly the moment Mack was born. I had just thrown up in a bucket at the hospital and told the nurse that the doctor better get in the room because this baby was heading into the world quickly. So many special moments with this guy.

He has been loved by so many from day one. And though having two extra “moms” in his life frustrates him, he knows he has gifts in these sisters.

And even though us parents don’t know much these days, he knows we love him dearly and want God’s best for him. He may have gotten my nose (sorry), but he is Josh made over in most other ways.

Happy 15th Birthday, Mack! You’re so loved.

The kids had a dance last Friday night. Everyone had a great time.

The school year is flying by. Third quarter is almost over, which then sends the kids into their last quarter of the school year. Which means Ruby’s graduation is fast approaching. So much going on around here! Will try to do a better job of posting here….

I’ve been reading in the minor prophets the past few weeks. These men of God are using their voices for God—often shouting, repeating warnings and judgment to come. The people, as a whole, don’t take them seriously. God’s people seem content with what the world offers them. The powerful are unmoved by the call to righteousness and just living; they crave even more power at any cost.

In my Haggai reading I wrote down five things God told His people through Haggai the prophet:

1- Consider your ways (1:5).

2- I am with you ( 1:13).

3- Take courage (2:4).

4- Do not fear (2:5).

5- But what did we have in common (2:17)?

I was particularly struck on #1, “Consider your ways,” for most of the day. I asked the Lord to help me consider my ways. 

Consider—really think about, dwell on, devote mental energy. 

Your—not my kids’ ways, not Josh’s ways, not teachers’ ways, not my neighbors’ ways, but MY own ways. 

Ways—the patterns of my life, the activities I put my time and energy into, the people I invest in, what I spend money on or, maybe more convicting, what I don’t give money to, and even my attitude in all of these things and more. I journaled through all of this.

Then, my mind quickly was convicted with #5 when the Lord is asking, “But what did we have in common?” The Lord asked me what in my life reflects His heart? What doesn’t have anything in common with Him? Those must go.

Then, I was up and in the Word the next morning and was listening to praise music and sipping coffee while I opened up my very heavy heart to the Lord. Then, I turned to Psalm 5.

“Give ear to my words, O LORD.

Consider my groaning. 

Heed the sound of my cry for help, my King and my God.

In the morning I will order my prayer to You and eagerly watch.”

I am thankful God hears my prayers and understands my groaning, as groaning were most of my praying this particular morning. 

I was also reminded about something G.Campbell Morgan wrote about the words “eagerly watch.” It doesn’t mean I will eagerly watch the Lord after I pray to Him—maybe to see if He works the way I want him to. But it does mean I will “eagerly watch one’s own actions and ways that they may be kept in hearmony with worship and planning.”

“For,” as the next verse says, “You are not a God who takes pleasure in wickedness; no evil dwells with You.”

Again there was that push to “Consider my ways.” 

More prayer.

More groaning.

And I love how Psalm 5 ends-

These words apply to me in Charlotte, NC on this beautiful day in the midst of my exact circumstances. And I immediately prayed and groaned for all the people in harms way in the war in Ukraine. We groan, He hears. We worship and arrange our days and watch our ways; He sees. We take refuge in Him and sing for joy; He shelters and blesses and surrounds with favor as with a shield.

His Word is true and His promises are good. For all His children, everywhere. And I am grateful.

I was released from counseling last week. {That is, until something new or extra challenging arises.} She told me that she was proud of me for following through with the whole process of EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing). She said it can become too challenging, too emotional, too exhausting and too easy to quit. But I didn’t quit. I followed all the way through to the end and am so grateful for the experience and the healing.

During the months of counseling, I was tasked to make lists of some of my worst memories. I made lists of my best memories. I set up a team of wisdom friends, encouraging friends, and safety friends in my mind. I established a peaceful place with just the Lord and me in my head as well. All of these steps were crucial. But the most beneficial part of all of it was looking back over my whole life and seeing God with me at unlikely times. On my own I just saw this or that as a bad decision or a terrible situation I was put in. But there’s always more to it when you are a child of God. Even though the past is over, so many times in scripture there are calls to REMEMBER God’s faithfulness. How else do we remember without the backward look at our years?

G.Campbell Morgan says, “How constantly the backward look reveals Divine guidance where it seemed most unlikely.”

And this is what I found over and over again over these past few months. The Lord has been amazingly personal and mind-boggling faithful to me. 

Meditating on this truth and seeing it in my life, gives me hope for my present and future. And not only mine, but particularly for Ruby in this season of her life. There are so many things I am feeling these days as her senior year draws closer to the end and her future at Liberty University begins! There is a temptation to worry—about her safety, about her new room mate (who will it be??), about her major, about who she will meet for friends or even if a boyfriend is in her future over the next four years in college. Did I teach her enough? Does she have the tools necessary to succeed? Will she have opportunities and open doors?

And the answer is a resounding yes— she will have all she needs. She is a child of God. He loves her. He sees her. He will walk with her. He will open doors. He will bring friends. He will teach her all along the way— of this I am confident! And she will look back one day and be amazed at all the unlikely places that God used to guide her into His purposes for her life.

Psalm 84:11-12 “For the Lord God is a sun and shield; The Lord gives grace and glory; No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly, O Lord of hosts, How blessed is the man who trusts in You!”

Psalm 37:23-26 “The steps of a man are established by the Lord, and He delights in his way. When he falls, he will not be hurled headlong, because the Lord is the One who holds his hand. I have been young and now I am old, yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken or his descendants begging bread. All day long he is gracious and lends and his descendants are a blessing.”

All of this also reminds me about something I tell the kids often. I did TERRIBLE on the SAT. I ended up taking the ACT and getting a decent enough score to go to a Junior College in the absolute middle of nowhere, Georgia. 

Where I met Josh.

Clearly, the Lord was in that terrible SAT score and guided me to THE best husband for me on the planet, so I win. And the Lord will do the same for Ruby and Molly and Mack. We have to learn to trust God in every season of our lives. And only God can help us do that. 

Psalm 1:1-3

“How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, nor stand in the path of sinners, nor sit in the seat of scoffers! But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law he meditates day and night. He will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water which yields its fruit in its season and its leaf does not wither; and in whatever he does, he prospers.”

I stand over the washing machine. It is whistling and whining and shaking and rattling. Do I have other things to do besides babysit a 21 plus year old washer? Why, yes, I do. But I also don’t have time for a flooding of my upstairs. So I stand there. Waiting. Watching. Wishing I had ordered a new machine three days ago when I figured out the water on the floor was coming from under the washing machine. 

Next up is a group text about something for my kids that I didn’t really want to be a part of in the first place, yet I am the one having to make decisions and adjust plans and get this kid to a certain place on a certain day on which I was intending to take a breath and catch up on things around the house—like the laundry I won’t be doing while we wait on the new washer to be delivered. 

I water plants out in the freezing cold.

I pull up trash cans from the road that some kid that lives here said he’d do later.

I fold clothes.

I unload the dishwasher.

I lay out the chicken I will be cooking for dinner.

I eat lunch at home like I do most days. While eating, I read an article by one of my favorite writers. She writes so well and it reminds me that I like to write. I actually love to write. To string words together and tell a story or make someone laugh or cry or make someone think—and even better if they laugh, cry, and think in the same paragraph. I haven’t written in so very long. I have notes here, there and yonder. Starred words on a page to remind me to come back and write about this or that. Yet, I haven’t been going back to the stars. I haven’t spent time typing out words that have been rolling around in my mind and heart. 

No, I am babysitting washing machines. 

I suppose this could sound like a pity party. I suppose there are women who would love to be at home doing these things. I agree with the sentiment—SOMEBODY HAS TO DO IT. And yes, so many times I know that “somebody” is me. And sometimes I am glad it is me. But I miss writing. I miss creativity. I miss documenting life around here in this season. I miss using my brain in new ways. Just the other day I had to straighten up an often-used closet. I didn’t want to do it. Not because it was hard. To the contrary. It was so mundane and so simple. I still had to say outloud over and over, “I am the CEO of this house. I am the CEO of this house. Now, get this closet back in order!” And that is what I did. 

Gah! This isn’t ending in a positive light. I am trying to think of a way to spin it to something nice and sweet and deep, but that isn’t coming to me. 

It’s just this one thing— I miss writing.

So stayed tuned….maybe sooner than later I will make the time to put on a writer’s hat and open up this laptop for more than five minutes. Don’t give up on me just yet. 🙂 

If you remember, and you probably don’t—my word for the year is HUNGRY. I wrote about it at the New Year.

We are now in February, and I’m still noticing ways I try to fill my hunger with shopping or health supplements or a perfectly orderly home or even complaining! I have not mastered noticing the hunger, noticing what I’m trying to fill it with and then turning around to face Jesus instead BUT I’m working on it.

The whole month has brought to mind a funny story I refer to often. Josh and I were helping in the 4 year old preschool class one Sunday. A little girl told me she was hungry. I assured her we would have our little snack after big group time next door. We walked down the hall and entered the room for our lesson and game time. The teacher began teaching. The little girl began scowling. She huffed and crossed her arms and said, “I am sooo hungry.” I sat down next to her and told her we would have snack soon. “Just be patient.” She scowled even harder and crossed her arms tighter and said a little louder, “I am SOOOO hungry!”

At this point I knew there was no changing her narrative. The child was hungry. I understood completely. So I returned to my seat in the back of the room next to Josh. More time passes and the little girl was getting angry. She turned around so she could make eye contact with me and with her scowl on her face and her arms tightly crossed, she said with much volume, “I AM SOOOOO HUNGRY!!!!!” She did this several times until the main teacher asked her to stop. Snack would be soon the teacher said.

The little girl was tiring of this response.

The big group time was over. We walked back next door and before I could turn around, the hungry little girl was sitting at a table all alone with a lunch box unzipped and a sandwich in her hands being stuffed into her mouth.

I laughed so hard because I could so relate to her!!! There’s nothing quite like hungry around 11:00 on Sunday morning. And this little girl knew how to take care of her need!

So when I’m feeling physically hungry I will hear myself say, in my best four year old voice, “I AM SOOOOOOO HUNGRY!!!!” If Josh is around I’ll scowl and cross my arms, and he will know exactly who I’m talking about.

We laugh, but the reality is we are all hungry a lot of the time. Sometimes it’s just a hunger for —friends or family or clothes or control or accolades or whatever else. And the world we live in provides many temporary and quick fixes for the plethora of ways we hunger. Are you paying attention to your hungers and how you act to satisfy them?

So I am writing to just check in on you and your New Year. How’s it going? You are not alone if you struggled through the 753 days of January. But I am again hopeful here at the beginning of February to continue walking with the Lord day by day and step by step….and through all the hunger pangs.

Homecoming Week was filled with spirit days and lip sync battles and a parade. The kids all participated in the lip sync battle and it was quite hilarious! Molly’s Junior class won. Mack’s freshmen class got second. Ruby’s Senior class came in third. Sophomores were fourth. Ruby walked with the Homecoming Court and Molly rode on the Junior’s float. What a fun week!

Then…Friday night was the presentation of Homecoming Court and crowning of the queen. We were so surprised and honored to hear Ruby’s name announced as the winner. So happy for her!

Saturday night was the dance.

Fun times🥳

Most years begin, for me, with a plan for eating less or eating differently. If I could just not get hungry or crave junk food with empty calories then life would be better. I know I’m not alone!

But this year that is not my focus at all. I plan to continue working out three times a week. I plan to continue making food choices and acknowledge that the results of what I choose will be what I have to live with. I’m not looking to change my shape.

Gain strength? Yes. Move well as I age? Yes. Feel good? Yes. Consume myself with myself? No thanks.

So imagine my intrigue when the word for my year that I asked the Lord for was “Hungry.”

Josh and I watched The Chosen where Mary was reciting her Magnificat. Luke 1:53 says, “He has filled the hungry with good things and sent away the rich empty handed.”

These words rolled around in my head the following week. I think maybe because during Christmas there is a lot of consumption. A lot of filling our shopping carts. Filling our bellies. Filling our eyes. Filling our homes. And at the end we oftentimes still feel empty. Maybe even more empty than before all the filling.

I want the good things God fills His people with. I wonder what it means to hunger more for Him than for anything else. I know what it is like to crave more clothes, more shoes, more of the right gifts for the people I love. I know what it is to crave friendship, to crave acceptance. I know what it is like to want to be filled with security or health or happiness and ease. I crave answers to questions about the future.

I had to ask myself—what is it that I am most hungry for? And why? What do I truly crave? Am I willing to acknowledge that most of the things I’ve craved and gotten my fill of have not brought deep satisfaction to my soul?

What would it look like if this was the year of being hungry for God and His Word and His presence? Hungry for His righteousness? Hungry to see His kingdom come? For craving more of Him and anticipating true satisfaction in the process?

Wouldn’t that be something worth focusing on this year? I do think so!

I actually KNOW so! Here are some verses I found at first search:

God fills those who seek Him with good things. Psalm 107:9 says it’s best—“For He has satisfied the thirsty soul, and the hungry soul He has filled with what is good.”

Satisfaction and goodness are offered to me. Will I sit at His table and eat and drink freely? Or will I choose to be distracted with what the world offers and end up with a parched soul and an empty heart?

Here’s to a year of hungering for God and delighting in His abundance!

You’ll see the blue sticky notes in the Word for the Year section. Mine is “hunger.” Ruby’s word is “eager.” Josh chose “diligence.” And because Josh told Mack this should be his word also (and may or may not have given a mini lecture on why this needs to be his word), so that’s why Mack’s sticky note says, “what he said” with an arrow pointing to Josh’s note. We are still waiting to find out what word Molly lands on. I don’t think she likes being confined by one word, which is totally understandable. She may come with a list of words and that’s totally fine too.

Happy New Year!

I scribbled on a scrap piece of paper our plan for Christmas week as I hollered out to everyone to mark their calendars and don’t make other plans! I’m not sure if it’s Ruby being a senior or all three kids being in high school or Mack growing a couple of inches every time I turn around….but this year I wanted to get all the stuff in! The sugar cookie baking and decorating, the Oreo truffles that Ruby loves, the Christmas lights drive and Waffle House stop, and more.

Sunday evening we went to a local church that had a Carols and Scripture reading night. Mack’s friend’s dad is the pastor there, and we so enjoyed the intimate setting and the focus on Jesus. It was a perfect way to start the week. We went to Outback afterwards and enjoyed being together.

Monday evening we baked sugar cookies and decorated them. No one really eats these cookies, but we have to do this. It brings back memories of Mary and Katherine Koester, our sweet friends from Georgia who now live in Tennessee. She made all the best icing with so many color options.

Ruby and I went to eat with a friend of hers and her mom on Tuesday evening. Then we went to see some gingerbread houses on display. It was a fun evening!

Wednesday we drove around looking at Christmas lights and made a stop at Waffle House.

Thursday we played some games—Best Friends, Taco-Cat-Goat-Cheese-Pizza, What Do You Meme?, and Incoherent Family. All super fun games! They’re light hearted and not strategic. Just fun and just the way I like it. This was also the night we made some Oreo truffle balls.

Christmas Eve was a good day too! We dropped in to Publix on our way to church and gave Ron, the older gentleman who always helps me with my groceries, a Christmas gift. He has no kids or family and says Christmas is just another day for him. I gave him a letter along with his gift and shared the gospel with him —the reason for Christmas! I’m thankful for the opportunity and pray he knows Jesus. I’m sure I’ll talk with him about it next time I’m in Publix.

We all enjoyed the Christmas Eve service. It was an early one —3:00! So that was different but it all went well and we had a long evening as a family together. We ate appetizers and played a game or two and watched a movie.

Christmas Day Josh and I were up early, as usual. And the kids slept late, as usual. Molly decided we should wait to open gifts until after dinner again, so that’s what we did. They woke up around ten, we had breakfast around 11. More games and movies, a walk around the neighborhood, some napping to pass the time, and a yummy steak dinner with twice baked potatoes and salad and butter beans. Then, gifts.

That calendar is something I’m certain the kids will remember from their childhood. I had to move the little figures a few of the days because the kids rushed out the door to get to school, BUT Ruby is always the one who gets baby Jesus to his spot on the last day! I’m not sure how she does it or if there are threats involved, but she is the lucky one each year.

Ruby also told me about December 15 or so that she had not really spent a lot of time thinking about the gifts, but she really was looking forward to time together. And that was an early Christmas gift for me! Don’t get me wrong, we all love receiving fun gifts. But I’m so grateful she values the time together and the memories made.

Maybe I wasn’t the only one feeling like time has flown by and knowing very soon so much will be different. These times together as a family are priceless. And we truly have enjoyed being together.

Right now it is December 27 and all of our Christmas decorations are down and put away. I thought I might let it linger, but I just can’t help myself. Christmas is over, so the stuff has to be put away.

But I won’t soon forget the fun and the memories made with this crew. And I won’t forget the person Who makes all of this enjoyable—Jesus! Immanuel, God with us. Without Him, life would not be full! Without Him there would be no true purpose. Without the focus on Him, the focus would be on something fleeting like gifts and cookies. But with Him, no matter our circumstances, we can know we have purpose and life is deeply meaningful. His life gives me life, and I’m grateful for the days He has planned for me as we begin to look ahead to a New Year.

I have been reading an Advent devotional each morning since after Thanksgiving. Because distractions are in abundance— Shopping lists, grocery lists, Christmas Card list of addresses, parties, gift exchanges, cookie baking for school, decorating the home, wrapping the gifts, and more— I appreciate the focus on what britannica.com says is “the period of preparation for the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ at Christmas and also of preparation for the Second Coming of Christ.”

I want my heart to be ready for Christmas morning—Jesus is here! Immanuel, God With Us! And I want my heart to be ready for the second coming of Christ—Jesus is here! 

Confession is an active part of this process, of this anticipation of Christ’s arrival. As I read this morning from my devotional and stared into my nativity set up on the table next to where I sit, I was struck with this focus by the author:

“And another mystic says human nature is like a stable inhabited by the ox of passion and the ass of prejudice; animals which take up a lot of room and which I suppose most of us are feeding on the quiet. And it is there between them, pushing them out, that Christ must be born and in their very manger must be laid…sometimes Christians seem far nearer to those animals than to Christ.”

I was forced to ask myself —what animals of sin am I quietly feeding in my life? What nasty animal am I cuddled up to when Christ is here? Is it gossip? Self-pity? Materialism? Busyness? Gluttony (hello, Christmas treats everywhere, every day)? I want to be nearer to Christ. I want His birth in my life to push out the animals wreaking havoc and smelling up the place. 

Confession is the way back to Christ. Confession is a part of Advent. 

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives.” I John 1:9

“And she will bring forth a Son, and you shall call His name JESUS, for He will save His people from their sins.” Matthew 1:21