Year: 2021

Ruby went to the Junior/Senior Prom last week. She had so much fun with her friends. I love that she has such strong, like-minded girls to hang out with!

I turned 44 years old on Tuesday. These years in my forties have been fruitful in a hidden, personal kind of way. In 2015, I had an impression of God picking me up and carrying me away. Sounds mystical and odd to some, but it was real to me and I journaled about it and told Josh about it and then moved on with life. Over the course of those next six months it became evident that we were going to be picking up our life in Georgia and planting ourselves in Charlotte, North Carolina. And now, from this point in life, I can look back over these almost five years and see how that impression of God carrying me has been so true of this season. Couple the growth and stress that come with a major move with raising teenagers, and I have a recipe for lots of prayer and an increasing realization that I don’t know much of anything. I mean, I hope we are doing this right, but doubts abound. Life is challenging and someone always needs a little extra attention, a little more instruction and training, and always more money. 

There are some things I reflect on over the course of 44 years and feel as if they were wrong turns, bad decisions, seasons of floundering, suffering, mistakes, missteps, darkness, or meaninglessness. I know mentally that God always sees me, always knows the path I take, but I must acknowledge it sometimes feels like His eye is not on me or maybe He isn’t paying as much attention as I want Him to. 

Deuteronomy 1:30-33  says, “The Lord your God who goes before you will Himself fight on your behalf, just as He did for you in Egypt before your eyes, and in the wilderness where you saw how the Lord your God carried you, just as a man carries his son, in all the way which you have walked until you came to this place. But for all this, you did not trust the Lord your God, who goes before you on your way, to seek out a place for you to encamp, in fire by night and cloud by day, to show you the way in which you should go.”

About these verses, G.Campbell Morgan says, “…we learn that in the government of God nothing is haphazard. How often life is a wilderness way! As we journey, there seems no map, no plan, no time table. The truth is that our God is not only accompanying us on the march; He is ever going before us, selecting the places of our pausing. Wherever at night we pitch our tents, the place is chosen by God. That is all we need to know.” 

I was challenged in remembering the faithfulness of God over my whole life, that He is fully trustworthy. Looking back on past seasons, I can say that I wish I had trusted Him more. Looking ahead, there is a list of things I am tempted to worry about or situations I might like to manipulate—but instead, I want to be carried into these future seasons in my strong Heavenly Father’s arms, trusting Him to go before me and show me the way in which I should go. He is faithful and will do it. 

We found a car for Ruby last weekend! While she was at a musical with a friend (have I told you she is so much like her Gran?!?), we bought it and parked it sideways in the driveway so she would see it when they pulled up.

There’s nothing quite like teaching your kids to drive and then letting them actually drive off with most of your heart buckled up inside.

Gracious, parenting is NOT for the faint of heart. I often tell Josh I feel like I’m living at my wits’ end at all times in this season of life. Lots of big breaths and learning what to harp on and what to let go. If middle school boys would decide black tennis shoes are more cool than white tennis shoes, all the middle school boy moms would be much happier and less frustrated. It would be a start anyway.

Everyone wants to be remembered for something great after they are gone from this earth. At the rate I am going, I am likely to be remembered for my ability to do laundry or maybe my stellar weekly grocery store runs.

Faced with this quandry of how I might be remembered, a random thought occurred to me over the months we were sequestered to home last March, April, May….until we realized we could indeed go on with life. While we were home eating all of our feelings, I decided to try and find Druie’s famous cherry pie recipe. Now, you may be wondering who Druie is.  Well, the facts are that she is Josh’s grandmother on his dad’s side. The opinion, of which an in-law, such as myself, best not question, is that she is the best cook to ever walk the planet. 

I recently asked Josh for some of his favorite dishes by Druie, and he smirked and said, “You know, everything she touched was just the best thing you’d ever put in your mouth.”  Alrighty, then. He continued, “Fried chicken, cubed steak, pork chops, corn, field peas, dressing, lemon meringue pie, cherry pie, strawberry pie…”  Abruptly interrupting him, I asked if he was fully aware that I was not at all a great cook when he married me. He said he didn’t need to eat like that on a regular basis anyway. So, it truly is no secret that cooking isn’t my favorite thing. I do it almost daily. I wish I loved it. I wish I cared enough about food to even take a second look at a recipe that involves more than four steps, but I do not. 

During our Stay-at-Home order, I made a “Cherry Delight” recipe which got raving reviews from Josh and may have been as close as I was going to get to matching the famous Cherry Pie dessert Druie made. To be fair, Irvin had tried a couple of recipes that just didn’t cut it, so my work was made easier by his previous efforts. Also thanks to Irvin, I have Druie’s Thanksgiving dressing recipe written out with clear instructions for “the best dressing known to man.” I don’t think Josh would celebrate Thanksgiving without it. 

Now just because I don’t regularly fry up chicken or whip up a pie to die for doesn’t necessarily mean that I can’t be known for my cooking skills some time far in the future when I am old and gray or maybe when I am no longer walking this earth. Here’s my plan. I am going to have my grandkids call me “Druie.” Over the course of the years and the story-telling and the recipes that will be passed down, the coming generations won’t know which Druie was the original G.O.A.T. cook. In the blur of the lines of who is who and when she lived and where, I might get even half the credit for being an amazing cook as she was and maybe it will be said of me, “you know, everything she touched was just the best thing you’d ever put in your mouth.”

Amazingly, we are already in March! I want to sit and blog. I have started several drafts and have yet to return to them. Because LIFE! I’m living it, that’s for sure. Recording it and expounding on thoughts seems like something that may need to wait. One day. I hope.

In the meantime, let me use photos to catch us up.

Josh and I are doing proactive things to stay healthy and keep this pill holder filled with vitamins and probiotics rather than Blood pressure medicine or some other medicine we can keep from taking. Some choose to wear masks on walks outside alone or alone in their car or even double masks. Others of us are listening to scientists and doctors and upping our Vitamin D and K. Taking Quercitin and Zinc and a multivitamin and probiotic. We’re trying to make good food choices, rubbing thieves or On Guard oil on the bottom of our feet at bedtime, and I go to the gym three times a week like it’s a job and enjoy walks with Rolo often. We are getting 8 hours of sleep, too. There are things you can do to be a healthy person. Wearing a mask is just not one of them.

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Ruby has prom April 1, so we have to find a dress soon. And we hope to get a car for her this month, so that’s a lot to think about!

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Hopefully there will be more lively, interesting blogs to read in the near future! Hang in there with me. ❤️

This picture. I took it at Marcy’s house on May 19, 2019 when Cacy and Brian stopped by to see us as they drove out to Durham Town to camp. I remember distinctly looking at the photo on my phone screen and contemplating if I should send it to my mom’s phone. But, she was in such a sad place and said she wished she was with us that I didn’t want to send it to her and it come across as “Here we are all together, but you can’t be with us because you’re not feeling well.” That could make her feel left out and even more sad, so I decided not to send it for fear of upsetting her. I would just show it to her tomorrow when I went to visit her. 

Well, that visit never happened. The “tomorrow” I had planned was the worst day of my life. And I have to be in the right frame of mind and heart or this photo can haunt me. It actually makes my stomach hurt to look at it too long.

What if she had seen the precious faces of her grandkids who think she is awesome and fun and loving? What if this photo would have been just the encouragment she needed to push through her pain and confusion? What if she would have realized how many people love her just the way she is and, besides, who else will send the birthday cards and buy the popsicles for their visits or let them have too many sweets?

But I didn’t send it.

But what if I did send it and the outcome of her life was the same? Then what? Would it haunt me in other ways? What if you had not sent her that photo and driven her into more of a depressed state? What if you had waited to just go see her instead of showing her a photo of the grandkids that she didn’t feel good enough to be around?

What I’ve learned as I have walked through grief (there is not an actual end) and have since been close to others who also are walking through grief of their own is that we all have “What if” questions that threaten to take us down. We all wish we could go back and have another chance to say how we feel about our loved one, to make a different decision surrounding the circumstances of our loved one’s death. 

I am reminded during these downward spiral of thoughts of what Josh once told me as we were laying in bed and I was spewing out my feelings and questions about my mom. 

“These are God’s things, Kristy.”

And they were.  And they are still. Sometimes I think I have made amazing progress and I have let all of the “what ifs” go and then something triggers an onslaught of them. I take a deep breath and remember that these are God’s things. I won’t know all I think I want to know. I am not God. My decisions aren’t paramount. My power is no power at all. But God is God. His power is unlimited. His abilities aren’t thwarted by me. 

I trust He is not overwhelmed with all the “things” He has to do and all the people He has to keep up with. So I will keep casting all my cares upon the Lord because He cares for me (I Peter 5:7). And He cares for you, too. Trust Him with all the things.

If you had told me five years ago that I would be sitting in Charlotte, NC and hanging out with my dog, going to a gym three days a week, and my kids would be in a real school and not at home with me, I would not have believed you. Afterall, five years ago I didn’t like dogs. 

They say five years is about how long it takes for a place to feel like home. I remember scoffing at those words, thinking surely it won’t take me that long. I mean, how hard can it be? I am a friendly person.

a-hem. Excuse me while I eat crow.

Five years is actually pretty gracious. For me anyway. For here. For this season of life. 

But here we are almost five years in Charlotte and all of those things are true about my life—the dog, the gym, the school. I had a meeting with Ruby’s School Guidance Counselor about her Senior classes, so I have been a bit reflective as I consider that my own child is going to be a senior in high school. I remembered that she was only starting 7th grade when we moved here. She turned 13 not too terribly long after we moved here and now we are considering colleges.

Indeed, life has ticked on at its own pace.

Coinciding with my reflectiveness on life, I have been in Corinthians and 2 Corinthians 2:14 says, “But thanks be to God who always leads us in triumph in Christ and manifests through us the sweet aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place.” I remember reading this several years back and thinking how I didn’t feel like I was triumphing here in Charlotte, but was comforted that even though it didn’t feel like triumphant living, God was leading me in triumph. His Word says so. 

A few days later I was in chapter 6 of 2 Corinthians and found “2017” written in the margin of chapter 6, verse 10, “as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing.” Sorrow most definitely marked my days and nights here. Yet God graciously taught me to be joyful too. You can have joy in sorrow. I knew that in theory before moving here; I walked it out in those first few years. 

I thought back on how a group of my close friends from Georgia drove here during their Thanksgiving Break to love on me and see our new place. I needed that encouragement. I thought back on the many evenings Josh and I would sit quietly together after dinner. We didn’t want to overwhelm each other with all that we were actually feeling. We did from time to time, but we also could see in each other a breaking point. These days strengthened our marriage—not because we relied on each other for rescue or cast all our cares on each other, but because we took them consistently to the Lord, and we were fully aware that He was the only one who could shoulder these cares of ours. I thought back on how I gave in and got a dog because I wanted the kids to be happy about something and enjoy living here. I thought back on our floundering to find a place in church. I remember Sundays being the most dreaded day of the week; this couldn’t have been more opposite for us as a family. I remember needing my GPS for absolutely everywhere I wanted to go. I remember not knowing where the closest Target was and not having a close Publix to get groceries from. I remember Mack turning double digits and Molly getting her first guitar and teaching herself how to play in those lonely days.

So now I reflect on our years here with great fondness. It has been a time of deepening my walk with the Lord. “You don’t know He is all you need until He is all you have.” they say…and in a sense this was true for me in Charlotte. He really met me right where I found myself and was to me all that I needed Him to be.

So when I got to 2 Corinthians 9:18, “And God is able to make ALL grace ABOUND to you, so that ALWAYS having ALL sufficiency in EVERYTHING, you may have an ABUNDANCE for EVERY good deed….You will be enriched in EVERYTHING for ALL liberality, which through us is producing thanksgiving to God,” I was able to say AMEN. He has been more than I could have imagined and met my every need and so many wants. And I can genuinely say, “Thanks be to God for indescribable gift!” (2 Cor 9:15). He is the giver of the gift, and He is the gift. 

We haven’t been here five years quite yet, but I love looking back and seeing how the Lord has walked us every step of the way. He is good. He is trustworthy. He is able to supply our every need. And I just wanted to thank Him for all He has done for us and been to us in this season.

Well, I am figuring God is letting the kids know that things that are super fun and traditions that they thought they would be a part of but can’t be because of covid restrictions are just not as important as they once thought. And who am I to doubt a good God and His ways? So we daily entrust ourselves to Him as we grapple with disappointments or crushed expectations. And then we make the best of a tough situation and have a great time along the way.

Homecoming 2021 was held this morning. No dance or date. No basketball game or pep rally. No big crowds in the gym. BUT there was a parade. If we have learned anything through this global pandemic, it’s how to bring back the parade!

Josh and Molly hung out most of the morning together. They are so cute.

I am proud that Molly got chosen by her peers to represent her Sophomore class mostly because I think she is friendly to all of the students and loves people. I love how God made her! She is a light!

Let me tell you who I am also proud of….Ruby. She is such a good older sister to Molly. She keeps her grounded in ways she may need to be grounded. She uses her wisdom and discernment and shares it with Molly often. AND she wrote Molly a sweet note and left it in the bathroom for her to find this morning when she got up (she got to come in to school later than the others). It made my heart swell with pride and love for Ruby when I found out she did that for Molly. Always encouraging and loving on her sister. They have such a gift in each other, and I am sure they will realize it the older they get.

So it was fun! And it was cold! And it was a great memory, a bright spot on a dreary day in a dreary season. We are choosing to be grateful and celebrate the good! I hope you are doing the same wherever you are.

January 2001.

The beginning of a new century.

Harry Potter and the Socerer’s Stone, Monsters Inc and Oceans 11 were top movies to watch that year.

Friends was the most popular tv show.

1st Generation iPod was being sold at $400.

“Emily, Madison, Hannah & Ashley” were top baby girl names.

George W. Bush was inaugurated as President.

Rudolph Giuliani was Time Magazine’s Person of the Year (my how things have changed).

2001 also marked the biggest tragedy in America in my lifetime: The 9/11 attacks.

Arizona Diamondbacks were World Series Champs, Baltimore Ravens won the Super Bowl & LA Lakers were NBA Champs. 

Also noteworthy, Josh and Kristy got married January 27.

Twenty years ago. Two decades ago. It’s hard to believe that much time has passed, and yet I can hardly remember life before Josh. Our marriage, while imperfect, has been one of the greatest joys of my life. Having a husband like Josh is a gift straight from God and just the partner I needed to walk through life with. 

I took some time last summer on our early 20th anniversary trip to West Palm Beach to journal about our marriage. My mind was rested, my body was relaxed, the sun was beating down on the beautiful sand while I watched the ocean waves crash, so the word for each year came to me with ease. I thought I’d record that journal entry here to commemorate our 20 years together as husband and wife. 

2001: FUN. Newlyweds, new apartment in Florida, back to Georgia, just a good time all around

2002: CHANGE. Moved apartments, found a new church, met new friends, learned new city

2003: UNKNOWNS. Josh quit his first job, signed contract on new house, Josh got very sick, found out we were pregnant with Ruby, Josh started new job

2004: ANTICIPATION. Waiting on Ruby’s arrival, Josh growing into new job

2005: SURPRISE. Molly was born (only 14 months after we welcomed Ruby to the world)…we forget the rest.

2006: GROWTH. Pregnant with Mack, led a growing Sunday school class of young families, Josh continued to grow into his job in the commercial real estate field

2007: HARD. Three babies (2 year old, 1 year old, newborn)

2008: DRAINED. I hit an emotional wall at the end of this year, turned to God in all of my emptiness with nothing to offer but my tired, weary self. And He was faithful to meet me.

2009: EMPTY.  We built and moved into our “dream home” that sucked the life and money right out of us. 

2010: FAITH-BUILDING. As we let go of our dreams and plans and trusted God for His plans and purposes for our lives…

2011: GRIEF. Deb —Josh’s mom— went to heaven, leaving a hole in all of our hearts. Also, HUMILITY. We moved back into our old house after selling the dream home.

2012: FREEDOM. From debt. From trying to be anything or anyone other than who God wanted us to be. From trying to carry out our own dreams apart from God. Freedom for Josh to take on another job in ministry, in addition to his commercial real estate work.

2013: THANKFUL. Loads of friends at church, homeschooling a 10, 9, 8 year old (sweeet ages!), went to Haiti as a family. Life seemed manageable and not as stressful as in recent years.

2014: STRETCHED. Josh’s two jobs stretched him in many ways. The ministry was booming. He was still teaching and leading a large group at church, his real estate job was going very well, but this year also provided a very stressful financial situation to walk through, not of our own doing. 

2015: RESTLESS. This was a busy, full year with many wonderful things going on in our lives, YET, we were both restless and couldn’t put our finger on what needed to change or what we were doing wrong. I had a vision of Jesus picking me up and walking away with me. I had no idea what that meant exactly but shared it with Josh and wrote it in my journal.

2016: BIG MOVE. Through a series of events, God made it clear that He was calling us to a new adventure — He just didn’t make it clear how hard it would be. We went to Africa in June with the ministry Josh served with and by July we were selling our house, buying a new home in Charlotte, NC for the job Josh would start Sept. 1!

2017: OVERWHELMED. Everything was new. Work was difficult. Loneliness threatened to take me under. I started counseling to have someone to process this with. Could not find our place in a church.

2018: PHYSICAL AND MENTAL HEALTH. Josh was managing his new role much better at this point. I began taking care of my physical and mental health and went from barely surviving to thriving during this year. 

2019: GRIEF AND TRAUMA. My mom took her own life. Horrible in every way. LETTING GO. The kids started attending a private Christian school, which was needed for them and for me in this season. God’s timing and provision could not be denied.

2020: WEIRD. COVID-19 entered the USA and turned everything upside down in ways only a global pandemic can. More disappointments than can be named….and yet, God increased intimacy with Him and strengthened our marriage and our family through the unknowns of a very strange year.

2021: We are only just beginning and only God knows what word will rise to my mind when I think about this year as it relates to our family and our marriage. But I have high hopes for less masks and less disappointments and more growth with deeper intimacy as we celebrate 20 years and pray for 80 more!

HAPPY 20TH ANNIVERSARY, JOSH! I LOVE YOU. You are a fabulous husband in every way, and I love and respect you so, so much.

“I have found the one whom my soul loves.” Song of Solomon 3:4